Why today was a Poo-ey day

1) I worked out(awesome). I worked out using my new Ipod arm sports band(awesome). I worked out twice as much and at twice the speed(awesome). I shook it like Beyonce when I heard my sweet JT or Christina(so FUN). I worked out so hard I got incredibly sick to my stomach an hour later and spent the rest of the day trying to decide if I needed to use the potty or throw up(DANG IT)

2) Because I got so sick I couldn't go to the temple tonight much less stand up or move around. 

3) I wasted my day off and couldn't run errands I needed to run- except for grocery shopping which was my one attempt to see if I could hack it getting out of bed and I almost hurled in the frozen food section of Tom Thumb. True Story. I though today might be the day a non-drunk girl throws up in her purse. 

4) Because everyone likes to bug me about it, I thought I would buy some legitimate american-made ulcer meds. Which turned out to be like 1 dollar a pill and only half my strength. IE - two freaking dollars a day as opposed to my Indian made drugs which were like 33 cents a day. I am sorry but I may have to buy Bollywood drugs. I have student loans to pay off. Sorry Detroit auto workers. Sorry american drug assembly line peeps. I am not paying 2 bucks for something that costs practically nothing to make. Even Canada has psychotically better prices than us. We are totally the world's overpriced Sugar Daddy paying for everyone else to get cheap or free meds by inflating our own prices. I won't be a part of it. 

5) I watched Pushing Daisies knowing everyone I love leaves me eventually. Just like Ned. Why are my fave shows always canceled?

6) I realized today someone dissed a friend and am sad about it. Grr. And a little(lot) angry. 

7) I realized that in order to make myself feel better I wore my Forks High shirt today .....when I should have saved it for going to see Twilight this week. Now I have to do laundry?? Not happening. I love you Edward, but apparently it will only show on the inside. 

8) I looked at a friend's cute dog pics and I want one bad. When am I moving out yet? Oh yeah...after I pay off the CC. DANG IT!!!!! Denied!!!!

So since I gave all those whiny reasons I hated today.....Here is why today was okey dokey.

1) I bought Yakisoba Cheddar ramen type noodley stuff and it rocked hard for a sick girl. 

2) I did get to watch both episodes of Golden Girls this morning. 

3) I have the satisfaction of knowing my Ipod is helping me work out better- even if it is also killing me. 

4) I saw Ned. It's bittersweet. This is the sweet part. You already heard about bitter.

5) I had tonight off so I did call in to the temple, but at least I didn't have to call in to work and get in trouble. We have a new hard core sick/being late policy that is scary!!!

Okay that is all. I will go back to watching Van Helsing on TBS and eating animal crackers. Totally the sweet life if it wasn't crackers to keep from vomiting. Oh well. We can't have it all. 

Life Lessons from Hitchcocktober

After unexpectedly getting off work earlier than anticipated yesterday, I went to see Dial M for Murder- one of the few Hitchcock movies I haven't seen. Yay! It was cheesier and more hysterical than I ever anticipated. And the thrilling movie had many lessons to teach me. As a young person there is much I apparently never knew about life and I will share it with the rest of you.

1) If you have a Lover, you should keep only the most dirty letter around and call it "the letter" cause if you only saved one of many, as a guy, your lover will know which one it is when you say " You know... THE Letter".  

2) The face you make when accused of a murder out of nowhere - also the same face you make when you think you smell pancakes. Nostrils flared, mouth open, occasional sniffing. It's not nearly as shocking as I had previously thought. Apparently it's pretty mouth-watering to be accused of murder. 

3) It is apparently perfectly acceptable to be excited about your tramp girlfriend accused of murder having a complete mental breakdown in the future. And I quote " You're going to have the most fantastic breakdown!" Said with all the glee of a kid about to get a new bike at Christmas while hugging her to comfort her. Well....as long as I have something to look forward to I guess I CAN go through the death penalty trial with my chin up. Thanks honey!

4) Writing in all CAPS makes any handwriting totally unintelligible. Seriously. It's like your note fell from an alien planet. Who could have written this?? We'll never know- it was written in caps. Might be Bobo the Elephant with a pen in her trunk....might be a first grader....or even the Unibomber. It will forever remain a mystery ...alas.

5) Police stealing of evidence is totally cool as long as you can use it in a dramatic way to catch a crook. The fact that you had to run errands around town with the evidence for hours if not days to figure out what you had stolen and what to do with it is irrelevant. You're a cop. Feel free to try stuff out.

6) UK courts have a totally awesome idea. Place kinderfoto backgrounds behind the witness box so that when a person is filmed for a trial they have an attractive faux finish behind them instead of the boring courtroom. 

7) They totally have hot rollers at the prison. And they will keep the clothes you got booked in nice and cute and clean for you in case you have an impromptu visit home. A girl can't go home from prison looking less than swell.

8) I am glad they don't have "radio programs" anymore or all you married girls might be stuck at home. How can a woman want to go out and see friends on a Saturday night? Are you being ridiculous? Men may go out all night, but women should stay in. It's the law. That's like asking to go out to the market without stockings on. Preposterous! Your hubbie says just listen to your radio program or do some mending. That's entertaining enough for the females. 

9) It is extremely difficult if not impossible to use your Visa to hire a hitman. The lesson- take out ordinary sums all the time from the ATM and save them. Then gamble alot to throw people off the trail if you do get seen with money and in a year you might have enough in small bills to hire your killer. Wait. That doesn't make sense. I thought you lost money gambling weekly. That lesson makes no sense at ALL. I protest Hitchcock. I don't think you can hoard money AND have a gambling habit. Maybe I just don't know how to do it right. 

10) Really attractive, really rich women still scrape the bottom of the barrel with men. Is there hope for anyone? Only if you're OK with cheaters who are amused by your mental breakdown. Sad......tear.

11) Sleeping alone in a twin bed is no reason not to wear a hot negligee, tousle your curls and wear red lipstick to bed. You're dressing for you, not some man. 

Ok- off to curl my hair and darn socks. That's how us wealthy girl stay wealthy. 

Celebrity Crushes - The D-List

Did you ever have a "celebrity crush" on someone that you are embarrased to admit or had to explain who they were for like 10 minutes and then still got a blank stare in return?

Who cares if someone likes Brad Pitt or George Clooney or Catherine Zeta Jones or Angelina Jolie??? Who doesn't? I need some originality!

It is one of my favorite things in life to hear the wierd crushes. The fetishes. The obsessive love for someone who is cruising wayyyyy under the radar. It really tells you alot about people.

These are some of my favorites(from many people's crazy tastes) over the years.

1) Bruce Boxleitner on Babylon 5 and Lifetime movies(not in his heydey while he was on Scarecrow and Mrs. King). He is a fine looking man. I have to admit.

2) A politician's cute nephew

3) The furniture appraising twins on Antiques Roadshow.

4)The man who ran the lab on X-files.

5) The hot local redhead weatherman.(Yeah Aaron! It's gettin hot in here)

6) A sarcastic talk show host

7) Various SNL castmembers

8) Lead singers of 80's hair metal bands. Now that they're old.

9) Reality TV Stars. WOW. Really? That one? Isn't he gay? And mean?

10) A stuffy older manager on a TV show- not the younger cute characters.

To reveal my D-list celebrity loves...... I was an official member of the Internet group LOMIG or Lovers of Mulder in Glasses. I also loved Craig Kilborn when he was the host of the Daily Show. Like...... ridiculously loved him. I also have various crushes on british celebs who I am sure no one knows. DUMB.

So...um....now that I've embarrassed myself, feel free to post your embarassing crushes and enlighten us all!

On the Occasion of My Approaching B-Day - Reasons I am Irresistible to Men

In honor of my upcoming landmark birthday- I decided to honor myself with a photo montage of my greatness. As I considered and pondered over the many milestones of my life and what has made me who I am today, it seemed the only thing lacking in my future True Hollywood Story is a person to share my perfect life with. It is a baffling and tragic mystery why I am not as yet married. Maybe as we take a nostalgic look back, we will solve the puzzle......

And so I present to you........Erica

1) Possibly the first place I went wrong was in taking childhood pics at Kinderfoto where I was exposed to toxic pink radiation. There is a whole generation of people who might have children with two heads. Seriously. We're all gonna be pink in the great annals of History (Wikipedia) when we are dust and the future a mere memory.



2) As far as this picture goes, I have always been a kind of a summer beach baby. It is hard to explain my appearance on Toddlers Gone Wild. I freely admit it. I think I had one too many Otter Pops and I was convinced at the time that reality TV was an avant garde form of art and not exploitation.


3) I have always been pretty much a money-grubbing opportunist. Imaginary characters were the least of the people I have charmed for cold hard cash or bling.
4) For a brief period of time I was a bandit. A peace loving bandit, but a bandit nonetheless.

5) In order to change my ways after my years of criminal activity, I became a superhero. I am still occasionally called upon to save people and fight the forces of evil using the red knee highs of justice. This obligation of mine leads to much less free time than I would like, even now.

6) I have been surgically enhanced, but it's so subtle I thought no one would notice. Men like girls with curves right?

7) Ok my teeth are not perfect little Chiclets, but at least they're straight. To my credit- you'd never think I was British.



8) I might have an unnatural love of cake and chocolate. And yes I did wear the occasional bow. That looks like my head is being attacked my a vampire bat. I realize now that was a fashion mistake.


9) I lost my possibility of a modeling contract with Teen Magazine over that love of cake and chocolate. And insisting on wearing jelly bracelets at the shoot. Come on, a girl needs accessories!I had the waif look down far before Kate Moss ever did.

10) In desperation at the loss of my dream career as a teen model, I became a little.......well...needy and .....OK I'll say it...desperate. Even if I advertised myself a Russian Mail Order Bride, I never went through with it OK? I have some pride.

11) Laurels activities are not my fault. Their creepiness and forced participation is evident in my eyes I think. And if men see me in this hot wedding dress and don't wish they were the lucky groom......well....then...maybe I can blame my advisor for her plan completely backfiring. It is not at all off-putting that I have temple wedding pics with no wedding. Not at all.


12) I just love costumes and especially holidays. And home cooked food. Recent new stories have probably helped to promote men's deep desires for a wife with poofy hair and a bonnet and gingham dress. I am ready to be your pioneer wifey-poo!



13) Maybe I have gone overboard with my hairstyles a bit. Men can be intimidated by a high maintenance beauty routine. As you can see from my cousin's face, a lengthy regimen can make you start your day off a bit grumpy.

14) I might have the bird flu. I'm just sayin.

15) I started off in life with some hard core habits. Books and the beer are hard ones to kick my friend. A man would only come second or third really in my priorities.



16) Still drinkin the hard stuff years later. Men don't like it when you take the last one. Ahh root beer memories....if only I remembered them.


17) My moustache is more luxurious and full than many people would expect. I have tried waxing and bleaches, but I think I am just destined to be a just little bit Magnum PI. It's OK. I have detective skillz too. The mustache and crime solving genes are linked. My grief over the mustache gets even out with my joy over a good mystery solved.



18) I try to be a good cook. It's just so hard! Maybe it's a natural gift for some women, but as many times as I try to bake for men, things just turn out yucky. It did not look like that when Giada made it. Where did I go wrong?

19) I am a Gryffindor. There appears to be a really high mortality rate with Gryffindor men, so the male/female ratio is now wayyy off since the war with Voldemort ended. I suppose I could date people from other houses, but seriously. Seriously. Can you imagine me and a Hufflepuff? It's just not right. I'd rather kiss a dementor.

20) I have a huge time commitment and travel schedule with my band. Maybe when we stop touring I'll have more time. That's what I always tell myself.

In conclusion, my singleness is a seriously disturbing and captivating mystery. It's right up there with Area 51 and the disappearance of the Maya or Amelia Earhart. Men have no clue what they are missing.

Or maybe they are afraid of trying to get wit all this babe-lisciousness and being rejected. It is a real and valid fear. As a former Model/Superhero/Rocker I do tend to leave hearts strewn along the road in my wake. Heartbreaker has always been one of my favorite songs. Maybe one day I will stop using men like kleenex and just find that one special one. My lobster. My other half. Until then I shall wait patiently. I mean I have all the time in the world. I may have tons of student debt and my eggs may be rotting and turning to dust inside me (thanks Arthur) but at least I still have my looks.

Happy B-Day to MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Hott Springz- The Top 10

Could my weekend have been any more hilarious? I doubt it. Let us add up all the elements that led to the awesomeness since Alison covered only some of the weekend on her blog.

1) Driving every wrong way possible on what appeared to be one highway but apparently had a bunch of turn offs. Then doing it again. And again. Then 4 hours of success. Then another completely non labeled highway turn off. Greatness.

2) Who knew Cher sounded so awesome singing the Immaculate Collection?

3) Hugh Dancy was in 2 movies we watched......and british and adorable and putting his feeling out there yet he somehow seems a little vulnerable which is rare in a man. I'll stop talking now.

4) Semi-drunkenness from lack of sleep, old bathhouse for pedis, patio full o' junk, homeless looking man in a wife beater...wait....look again!!!

Man with wife beater shaped tan lines. I seriously bet people heard us cackling for miles from our vantage point at the top of the bathhouse.

5) Man on bike giving us a quick little handout and riding quickly away- to tell us we were going to HELL.

Well apparently there MUST be friends in hell as everyone I know is going there according to his little booklet. It will be one rockin partay. Holla!

6) Fish shaped everything in our house. Fish platters and plates and commemorative stamps and paintings and pillows and wall hangings. Really the best were the MASSIVE fish shaped pillows in the living room. I wish this picture of Aibi showed the catfish's incredibly unbalanced whiskers. One was really long and the other short. Priceless.

7) An electronic keyboard+ The theme to Deliverance+Strings setting= Emo Deliverance. It made me want to cut myself while gutting a fish.

8)An unending string of justifications to eat every dessert in the place consecutively the first night.

a) We need matches so we can't have smores. I'll have fruit and a weight watchers ice cream.

b) Bomb Pops are practically water anyways and it's still hot out.

c) I am still slightly hungry and we need to wait up for Amy and Aibi so a chocolate chip cookie will give me a caffeine boost.

d) Technically you don't need a fire for smores- you can make them golden on the stovetop. Shame to have smores only one night when it could have been two. Shame to eat only one smore.

9) Here's to CHAD awareness and support. Whatever the heck CHAD actually was.

10) Staying up late for Aibi and Amy was worth it just to watch Best Week Ever(I guarantee it!) and Bear Grylls(this part of the monitor is sooo tasty!)

Ladies- I miss you all already. What a weekend.

The Disturbing Possibilities......

I finally finished the book that had been creeping me out. For anyone who is interested it was called The Historian and is about a girl researching the real history of Dracula and her family's past. It is not what I would call an easy read- when they say she is a historian we are talking medieval source docs and stuff and hours spent slaving over archives in musty libraries. This is no action packed Underworld type book. At most points at least.

So anyways, I finished it. I learned all kinds of information which I am not sure if it is all true(the research- not the are vampires real part) as some was obviously embellished for the story's sake, but the author really is a historian so.... my point is I'm not scared of vampires. I'm scared more of the other creepy stuff taking place in the book. For instance:

1) People getting drowsy while studying in their carrel in an almost empty library and waking to find that someone has been watching them and left them a present.

2) People finding out when you research subjects that are taboo to them (ie- what if the library had hackers who could see when you looked up research on ....carrots... and the wrath of the National carrot council came down upon you at your home one day). This most likely is reality. I wouldn't doubt that the NSA or CIA keeps track of what books get checked out or tracks IP addresses to see what websites get looked at. It's just creepy if it got into the hands of people who work for foreign governments or other special interest groups. In the book, it was Dracula psychically knowing you researched him. YIKES!!

3) The scary Eastern European countries in the 70's. You weren't really allowed to go there. And if you got in you ran ALOT of risk of not coming back due to being accused of spying etc. This would also still apply today to any number of countries.

In most of my favorite scary movies and books the key element of the plot is the disturbing possibility that parts of the story COULD be real. AHHHH!!! This is why I am a lover of the psychological thriller and not gore.

Here are some of my favorite movies:

1. Vertigo- Holy Crap- what an amazing movie and concept. If you didn't already know I worshipped Alfred Hitchcock here is your notice. Rear Window is also sheer genius, but I like the way Vertigo messes with your mind even more and makes the supernatural believable.

2. The Others- I like the use of Catholic Ritual which is creepy in and of itself, the children's allergy to light, the locking and shutting of doors, and how the fog almost becomes a character. I can't even tell you how much the pictures scare me. Why? Because they do exist in reality.

3. Dead Again- this is a classic for me. Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompson are amazing. The first movie that introduced me to the concept of a movie with disturbing elements of truth mixed with more improbable stuff. Would I accept past lives on their own as a possibility? No. But can I dismiss having dreams that seem too real with info that you aren't sure how you know....uhhh....not completely. Awesome! Although the end is gory and cheesy. I love the buildup.

I know there are more but my brain is still focusing on the injustice that I cannot immediately visit Istanbul and Romania and Bulgaria and France to see the main sites in The Historian. ARG! I need to travel hard core.

The Little Old Lady Generation Gap

I was sitting at the temple last night laughing with my favorite mothers and grandmas and thinking to myself....wow.....sometimes when we are younger we think everyone else is SOOO old and we can't possible have anything in common. When you get to know people better and with maturity you realize you can be great friends with anyone. Some of the people with the spiciest and craziest comments on life are the most unexpected. There are still some people who you just never relate to and it's more a personality thing or they just don't want to relate to you.

So anyways I was on my grandma-hugs high last night and then went to my Zumba class this morning. Once again. Everyone's older than me but they are all lovely people.

Then I went to the Post Office. Where I encountered the actual generation gap. A poor little old lady was there and stood in line with a form in her hand to hold her mail. Of course it was not filled out. I appear to be the only person on the planet who gets harassed for not filling out forms before I get to the front. Everyone else gets kind understanding but whatever. So the lady gets to the front and tells the man "I refuse to fill out this form until someone explains it to me" I can already tell this is going to be greatness. So he says "Put on your address and then the dates you will not be home for us to hold your mail." So she says "It says it's a minimum of three days and I wanted to know if Sundays count since you don't deliver" So he says "Every day counts- just fill it out." So she says " Now I'm leaving Friday and will be back by Monday so you better get my mail to me Monday" And he's all "....ummm....I'm not personally going to be delivering your mail....sooo....we will follow whatever you say on the form" So then she walks off to fill it out and then leaves. So these are my thoughts on this exchange:

1) Old people who refuse to learn new technology seem to have a much worse generational gap.

2) I love it when old people talk to employees at large stores as if they were personally affiliated with the company or the owner or something. There's nothing better than an old person who has NO perspective on the corporate world we now live in. Please go to Walmart and tell the boy who is changing your oil in the Autocenter that the Bakery at the other Walmart doesn't make their blueberry donuts the same way anymore and you'd like to register a complaint.

3) Who on EARTH holds their mail for a weekend out of town when Saturday is the only mail she actually won't be there to receive? Old people apparently.

4) I love it when old people wear crazy clothes from catalogues(you know they don't sell magenta polyester slacks in stores anymore)with really bold makeup. (This is part of why I love my own grandma so much)

5) I love that they all go get their fluffy white hair permed (so it will curl) and then still hang out in rollers all day to control the curl. Greatness.

Ok. I gots ta go get lunch now. Much Love to the Grammies out there!! Peace out.

Summer Wardrobe Rules

As I witnessed some atrocious crimes of fashion today, I feel it necessary to post......drum roll.....

Erica's Fashion Rules for Summer Church Attendance

1) Shirt must meet skirt. I understand the creeping up of the shirt in the back when you are sitting, but please plan ahead accordingly by not wearing a thong that creeps above the level of the skirt.

2) No junky flip flops with stains that show the places where your feet have made permanent marks. It's hard to draw the line sometimes between a sandal and a really nice flip flop but foot stains and ripped foam are key elements that get the everyone in trouble for one person's crimes.

3) No white or light colored skirts without slips. Just because they sell it in a store without a built in lining doesn't mean we all need to see your panties or peachy keen butt cheeks through the skirt. It's called a slip. It was created for this very purpose! LET IT FULFILL THE MEASURE OF ITS CREATION! Do slips and your fellow church attendees a favor!

4) If your skirt is made in a clingy soft fabric- in a flowy design......once again- the SLIP. You will be getting a wedgie otherwise and I don't want to see your skirt bunched between the aforementioned peachy cheeks. Or see you grabbing your butt to pull and reposition every 2 minutes.

5) Shave your armpits. We are not European. This is all.

6) If your feet look like those of a person left in the desert for weeks and then gnawed on by coyotes....please wear closed toes shoes. No one wants to see cracked heels as wide as the grand canyon or nails half-ripped off. Also- every once in a while do everyone a favor and repaint your toenails.

7) Continuing with the foot theme. We all know not all feet are made the same. My toesies are not the same as even my sister's. But this should apply universally. Do NOT wear strappy sandals with the pinky toe coming up OVER the last strap while the rest fit under. If your pinky toe doesn't fit under the straps- the shoes don't fit you right and you MOVE ALONG. Do not under any circumstances buy the shoes and wear them.

8) Yes. You have to wear a bra to church. No arguing. No exceptions. It is the LAW. And no, your bikini top does NOT count.

Ok- that is all for now. Please feel free to add and amend and give to those who are ignorant and committing these crimes as we speak.

My Nerd Manifesto

I am a self-declared card-carrying nerd. To list some of my nerd accomplishments that you may not know about:

1) I was in Math Club in High School
2) I saw the rerelease of the original Star Wars as a special screening at 2 am on a school night.
3) I also was there for opening night of every prequel
4) I may have a passing acquaintance through a roomie to every episode and special movie for Babylon 5 and created a special swear word for Star Trek Voyager(which i didn't like)
5) I wrote a series of X-files comic poems and limericks for my nerdy friends' enjoyment.
6) I have attended Cons and read fanfic written by my friends.
7) I have seen a bunch of Anime. But I refused to learn Japanese. I draw the line.
8) I released a series of pics to my friends to countdown the next HP book. IN my Hogwarts uniform. I protest that being really really good at costume design makes me a nerd though. I think it has more to do with being good at fashion, but whatever.

So now that you all are ashamed to know me......I have another astonishing admission to make. I am really not THAT big a nerd. Besides liking math in high school(back when it didn't involve data entry) everything else was sort of.... for fun or to spend time with my friends. I didn't seek out the sci-fi world. I don't read sci-fi. I pretty much despise everything having to do with "fan-fic" actually. Ug. Ick.

How do I know I'm not a full-blooded nerd? Cause I have met too many of the genuine article to call myself one. HOLY COW! Last night I camped overnight at a local B&N to get a ticket to go to a Q&A session with Stephenie Meyer, the author of Twilight, and to get a copy of her new sci-fi novel The Host. I love this woman. I am so excited. SCORE!!! But anyways. Whilst freezing my A off in my camp chair we had the fun of listening to all the true nerds around us. Rhia even contributed a random theory she made up on the spot to some high school girls' Twilight podcast when they were trolling the line for podcast comments. WOW. They had a group of people who sat and read their fan group's emails together on printouts for hours. We wondered if they had somehow gotten a copy of the new movie script, but no, come to find out it was far more pathetic than that. Rereading emails out loud for HOURS people, HOURS!! We also got to answer a three round quiz of questions that we are totally certain started asking us things that Stephenie Meyer never wrote about. IE- the poor nerdy girls have lost the line between fanfic and reality. It was SAD.

All in all it was a great time though. No sleep. Shivering uncontrollably. Eating leftover cake from the cheesecake factory. MadLibs. That's what she said jokes.

Then for me it took the ugly twist into really early morning Thai leftovers and more cake followed by later early morning fresh krispy kremes and cocoa and then diabetic coma and vomiting and remorse. But such is the overnight campout.

So um......yeah my point is .....I'm not the biggest science and math nerd ever although I am nerdy.

And even though I typically have a "get thee hence Satan" attitude towards sci-fi I am all over this new novel like white on rice. Like cheese on macaroni.

I shall blog later about the questionable nerdiness of my others interests. Or maybe never. Cause reading, archaeology, and ballroom are not nerdy yo. Why justify something that needs no defense?

Look-alikes

I look totally identical to these people right? Ha! I got this from a facebook application a while back and I was like.....riiiiiight. But maybe a lot of people have really bad eyesight and I am the only one still 20/20.

I am getting inundated lately with people who swear that I am a clone of their friend, relative, child. It is getting mad crazy.

I have grown up with people saying I look like people ALL the time. My cousins would always tell me that I was a twin of their friend at school. My best friend's dad was seriously obsessed with me having my own TV show. He was convinced that I was secretly running off to Hollywood to star in the TV show Phenom about a girl who plays tennis( I tried to find a picture but the girl who played the star has NO pics on the Internet from back then- apparently even she is ashamed of what we looked like-rough). The period in life where I had braces was even worse because I looked like even more people probably.

This week at the hospital I had a patient's family absolutely determined that they knew me from somewhere. Then I have a nurse tell me I look just like a person she knows. They today I was at the mall and a girl at the Hallmark store was acting bizarrely and she said she suddenly gushes "YOU LOOK JUST LOOK MY SISTER IN LAW AND ITS FREAKING ME OUT!!!" She then tells me she had been following me around the store because initially she came up to say what the heck are you doing here and then realized I wasn't the sister in law and then flipped and decided to stalk me. Too funny. Props to her for honesty in the face of embarrassment.

So for reals. I had nicknames in Argentina for my celeb look alike and have had a bunch of friends over the years that have been obsessed with me being twinkies with people. What the heck?

This week the reassurances I keep having to give that I just have one of those faces have got me thinking....does everyone else have this problem? For reals. I wish I was dramatically beautiful with some trademark feature cause it's getting old to look like generic blond chick.

And you all KNOW I don't handle compliments well. Especially insincere ones!! Here is a little vignette from my life for your reading pleasure:

Friend1: "Freak Erica you totally look and sound exactly like Julia Stiles sometimes except..umm....you're much prettier"
Me: (Out loud) Ummmm.......Ok...Thanks. (In my head)- but fatter...go ahead and say what you mean...I do have eyes!

Argentinian Comp: Hermana I am so sick of the little kids calling you a teenage witch. I mean you look like her a little but geeez!! I know it annoys you so I will call you it too but you're not even close to a teenager. Hermana Sabrina the Old Witch. Muahahaaaaa.
Me: (all of it out loud)Thanks. How about the Old, Fat, and One Foot Taller Witch. It sounds even more charming.

oooooh....here's another fave.....let's transport back to junior high where it got truly depressing......

Friend's Family: Wow Erica you look just like Alicia Silverstone in that Aerosmith video where she's hitchhiking.
Me: Really?!!! But she's like way hot!!!
Friend's Family: I mean when she's hitch-hiking you just see her from behind. You both have that long blond hair and long legs. When she turns around not so much.
Me: oh. (knife twisting in heart)

So thank you friends and family for boosting my confidence over the years.
It's nice to know that I am almost attractive. Jerks.

Is it any wonder I like to have more red in my hair. At least when it's red I avoid more comparisons. Except for the one time this checkout dude at target(not JT) got all stalker-ey that I looked like Drew Barrymore back in college and wanted to come home with me. He must have been smoking the good stuff is all I can say. That's more than a stretch. That's a golden gate bridge there. I don't see it at all.

Anyways. I usually do find celebrities that I would cast as my friends if they made a movie of my life or something. Sometimes partially looks based but mostly they have mannerisms or personalities that remind me of my friends. I haven't found many people I would say have a body double or anything. Although I swear Kerry Marino Stiles could be related to Lisa LaPorta on Designed to Sell.

For instance let's see....off the top of my head....who have I cast.. I had a WHOLE lineup back in college.

Rhia you get to be Jennifer Elise Cox- the girl who is Jan in the Brady Movie. She totally reminds me of you. Teehee.
Jen - she does have a total look alike- she is Mary Alice on Ace of Cakes
Alison- I might cast Minnie Driver as you. She has sarcasm down.
Molly- I might cast Parker Posey- I am still considering
Erin C.- hmmm.......i know I had someone in the past now I can't remember for the life of me. Maybe Katherine Heigl. A nice tall girl :)
Aibi- well ....there is a funny asian girl on ace of cakes but she lacks the proper personality and energy I think. Maybe we'll pretend Aibi' has an accent and is 1/2 latina and not asian and cast America Ferrera.

Travis- there's a guy in a Verizon commercial right now who walks out of his house with the network following him. I just thought he looked like Travis the minute I saw the commercial.
Sam- maybe you can be the dude in rent. Anthony Rapp on IMDB. Red hair! Score. I had to think on that.
Steven Foulkes - assuming I make this movie a few years down the road..... I might cast one of the twins from the Suite Life with Zack and Cody. One tries to woo ladies and talks just like Steven. Hehee.
Nate- Steven Fry. Totally. Without the British accent he could be an older Nate.

I'm sure I have more.....I just can't think right now. Guys just aren't easy. I tend to only cast people I've dated cause it's easier. And then retroactively and either maliciously or sentimentally. Although I have to say I really don't feel as if I've actually dated a young Tommy Lee Jones or Patrick Wilson. Nor do I really see myself with a TLJ or PW. Ok maybe PW. That man is fine and he sings....mmmm. But I cast him to play my ex and not himself in which case...uh ...nooo. Maybe this is part of why I'm single. I'm dating the wrong actors. Hahaa.

Wow this is making my brain hurt. I really haven't played this game since college. And I mean the other time I went to college. We had sooo much time on our hands back then. We had an American cast and a British cast. wow.

My sister gets an old casting idea- she was always the girl who plays Stephanie Tanner on Full House when we were kids. I'd have to see what she looks like now. I think my sister deserves a recast after all this time. Maybe Blake Lively from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Ok I have procrastinated not doing my online standardized tests long enough.
Please feel free to leave a plethora of comments. I want to see your casting ideas. Or comments on my annoyance with my own appearance. Whatever.

Exercise your femininity...that's what every girl should know!!

Do you ever wonder to yourself why was I born a woman?

What magical things am I supposed to learn through all of the idiosyncracies of womanhood?

Is there some special knowledge or spiritual power, or personality trait that comes from being a girl?

How different must life experiences be if you are a man?

Some days being a woman feels less magical than others. More like a Curse...haha....I jest. But if you think about it......our minds work differently, our bodies are so different, the care and upkeep is totally different. As Sam has pointed out recently....we have a whole different perspective of dating due to our different role and we also seem to really unexplainably love shoes.

I wonder if it is just the differing hormones that make us love a really hot good quality pair of heels or boots. Maybe (as I've suspected MANY a time) men's eyes don't work so they can see what is truly beautiful in life...ie cute babies, heels, moi.

Then again if we take a leap back in history there was a time that men were the peacocks dressing up in all the heels and lace with makeup and corsets and the women were the arm candy. I don't like to dwell on that too much though. YUCK. I love historical drama but I can't stand the prissy wig wearing male of that particular period of time.

But regardless of how femme men may get in their dress throughout the ages there are certain lovely experiences that they just cannot have for themselves. As much as we may wish those experiences on them.

So my ladies......what gems do you have to share about the joys of femininity? Here are some of my hidden pleasures:

I like getting to hold babies. Women always get to steal each others' new babies to hold with that new baby smell. (for men's reference see : new car smell)

I like heels and boots and sandals with painted toesies.

I like the joy of having tanned shaven shapely legs in summer. Oh yeah.

I like having crazy makeup experiments where you make yourself over like a member of Heart or Cruella Deville or something.

I like knowing how to cook yummy things.

I like having good smelling clean hair. Men can't appreciate that unless they have had long hair. It's so nice to let your hair out of a ponytail at the end of a day and smell your yummy shampoo smell. MMmm.

I like not being a smelly boy in general.

I like being free to express my emotions to my girls. So liberating!

I like being unashamedly obsessed with cheesy british books and romantic movies!

I like that girls can love dancing without getting made fun of.

Now it's your turn mis amigas!!! Mis hermanitas!! What do you love ???

Pitter-Pat Pitter-Pat, It's a Rainy Day!

I LOVE Rainy Days!!!! OK, maybe not torrential downpours or monsoons, but even those are fun for a while to me. After having been in Argentina with 1 hour of sprinkles in a year and a half I was having dreams every night about thunderstorms and they were heavenly. Maybe only a person who lives in Tornado Alley most her life can miss house-shaking thunderstorms. I crave them sometimes. MMmmmmm.

Ok in honor of today's insane rain-fest AND me being home to enjoy it on Spring Break here is what I like about rainy days!!

1) I like the sound of rain beating on the roof
2) I like wearing a rain coat(incidentally I have also been looking for rainboots that rock for a while now and am as yet unsuccessful)
3) I like the dark shadowy-ness of the day even inside with the lights on.
4) I like eating homemade cookies like when you stay inside making cookies with your mom when you're little on rainy days
5) I like taking naps in the shadowy-ness with rain beating on the roof
6) I like watching rainy movies that are scary(Clue) or depressing(Sense and Sensibility) so that there is thunder in the movie and in my house and you aren't sure where it's coming from. Neato!
7) I like puddle stomping.
8) I like that every girl's hairdo is ruined so we're all on equal status looking like drowned rats.
9) I feel an irresistable urge to touch people's clothes that have raindrops on them that haven't soaked in yet...and I LIKE it.
10) I like that rain means everyone stays home together at night instead of going out separate places. We're gonna have scary movie night tonight and eat pancakes with fruit syrup YUM!!!!!

RAIN ROCKS HARD!!!!! But it could slow down a little so things don't flood. I'm just saying.

Men are so money and they don't even know it

OK- I am sooo sick of buying products aimed at women.
Men have NO CLUE how much money they save every month just by not having to be so darn clean and good smelling and made-up.

If I was a man this would be my monthly beauty list:
Soap
Shaving gel
Toothpaste
Shampoo(like once every 6 months...right? my dad doesn't even use it!! then again he's bald)
Maybe a face cleanser if you are super girly or skin conscious
Lotion(Once every 3 to 5 years or just whatever some female relative bought and left at my place out of desperation 10 yrs ago)
Deodorant

Oooh and if I was a guy I would buy myself AXE so I would smell hot. But maybe I shouldn't include this for the average uninformed non babe-liscious guy.

And now as a WOMAN- here is my list in all it's glory. And I'm probably forgetting some.
Body Wash to smell clean and slightly tropical
Coordinating smell of lotion so my shaved legs aren't scaly
Face wash with scrubber beads
Face moisturizer(Quarterly)
Moisturizer with SPF 30 for days I go outside
Undereye intense moisture cream
More intense face wash for when I'm having breakouts
Face mask for when I'm breaking out(Probably a year supply)
Face mask for when I'm dry(yearly)
Shampoo for highlighted hair
Conditioner for highlighted hair
Intense weekly conditioner for color treated hair(This is like a quarterly purchase)
Hairspray
Face powder
Mascara(seriously this is a monthly purchase for me- I SWEAR I am cursed to buy bottles that go old early)
Intense foot and heel lotion for sandal weather
Lip gloss
oh yeah...
Toothpaste
Deodorant

And this is me being CHEAP and not replacing the other makeup as often as I am supposed to. Not even NEAR as often.
Can you imagine having to keep up with all this? I swear I have to make a run to Walgreen's or ULTA at least twice a week.

And this is of course not counting in lipstick, nail polish(which I can't wear now DARN YOU NURSING SCHOOL), foundation, eyeshadow, eyeliner, blush, bronzer, eyebrow pencil, rubber bands, bobby pins, various broken appliances like curling irons, blow dryers, straightening irons(woo hoo finally I have an advantage!)

And what about the clothes necessary to be a cute girl. Not a crazy high maintenance super shopper. Your average bargain at Ross type girl. We can't be like a boy and repeat the same 4 shirts with the same 2 pants. And each of our outfits requires a matching pair of shoes.

And we need to keep ourselves in supportive and cute underclothing which is also FREAKING EXPENSIVE. And don't forget that our haircuts are like 10 times the price of yours. And that's assuming all we do is cut our hair. Let's not forget how many of us have color too!!
We also have other expenses that I won't go into that involve monthly needs for chocolate and a new supply of Aleve, Motrin etc. in addition to other ridiculously highly priced items.
And my favorite part is when guys say that they don't understand why we buy all this extra junk. They don't notice what we're wearing and we look best when we have no makeup or it's "more natural". Oh you'd notice alright if we stopped.

If I suddenly showed up every day with zits all over my face and mousy dishwater blonde hair and white-lashed eyes with fuzzy broken ends on my hair you'd certainly notice. What if my scent was Eau de "what's on sale" ....that subtle blend of Ocean Watermelon Citrus funk from clashing shampoo and conditioner and bodywash. Oh and I forgot to put on my Old lady vaseline smelling hand lotion. PERFECT!!! Now I am officially ready to go out into the world and leave men panting in my wake.

I would probably get married tomorrow if it weren't for my insane beauty habits.

Want a pic of what the world would look like if women took men's advice and stopped being so silly and vain??





That's right.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmbop.

Financial Aid and the Single Girl

Dear Bloggy,

Please help me to figure out what to do. I am confused. Here's the situation. So ........I'm in school and can't work so I had to take out student loans. And I'm living with my parents so I can save more money and have less debt. The dilemma is this. How much should one beat one's self up for buying crap that is not necessary? Like entertainment. Or ummmmm.....Ok I admit I was gonna say clothes but you don't need to tell me. I have already bought too much so I have cut myself off in that aspect. Alright Bloggy....lay off... I thought we were friends. Those boots were totally cute and I needed a new purse and YES it couldn't wait 6 months. Anyways Bloggy can we get back to the subject......So what about a celebratory vacation upon graduation? Bloggy hear me out I have TONS of excuses.

1. Peer pressure- all my friends are totally doing it. I'm not going with my nursing friends cause all their plans involve binge drinking, but I bet I could totally find other churchy friends to party with me.
2. Timing- it may be the last full month I have off at a time for the rest of my life until retirement.
3. Reward- Bloggy I have burnt myself out and worked like a demon to get this freaking degree- I need a break.
4. Technicalities - I can pay for it a mere month later when I start working
5. Personal Happiness - If I always delay everything I want to do in life for practicality I will end up like my parents doing DIY projects because you can always think of a good use of your two weeks vacation at home. Shudder. Please Bloggy don't tell me never going on vacation is the right decision.
6. The Economy- Bloggy, I admit this is grasping, but with our failing economy my personal donation to the world of tourism may help a poor child eat bread for one more day. Or allow one shallow yuppie to keep their massive custom house for one more month before getting foreclosed. Really I need to exercise goodwill and faith in the dollar by spending some that I don't technically have yet. Trust me Bloggy- I have a degree in finance.
7. Terrorism - What if all the castles in Austria get blown up before I get to see them by some crazy Jihad attack on Austria because ...umm...crap......Ok I got it.......good one Erica......Wagner's unstable mental health caused him to create a beautiful castle dedicated to mythology...... WHICH does NOT include Allah. What then huh????

Bloggy tell me straight. Am I not totally justified? Give it to me Dr. Phil style. I can handle it. I am ready to take anything you might dish out, but I doubt you will. Obviously my reasoning is faultless. Most likely you will just have pity on me and give me some money to help a sista out.

Are you LAUGHING???!!!!!! Don't you DARE mention Suze Orman. I have told you already- I will be willing to discuss budgeting only AFTER I have an income. My delicate mental health is just not up to a close scrutiny of my finances at this juncture. I think I may cry Bloggy. I feel myself tearing up right now. Sniffle. Sniffle. No I am not doing this to manipulate you. My lower lip is not quivering on purpose and my puppy eyes are just shaped that way. I can't help it. I am sorry my crying makes you angry. So sue me. I can't even control my emotions...why should I be responsible if you obviously can't control yours. Fine Bloggy- everything's MY fault.

So ....ummm........are we done fighting? Yeah I hate it when we fight too. Somehow.... now I feel closer to you than ever though.


Bloggy- do you have any vacation time this year you could take in May?