Summer Wardrobe Rules

As I witnessed some atrocious crimes of fashion today, I feel it necessary to post......drum roll.....

Erica's Fashion Rules for Summer Church Attendance

1) Shirt must meet skirt. I understand the creeping up of the shirt in the back when you are sitting, but please plan ahead accordingly by not wearing a thong that creeps above the level of the skirt.

2) No junky flip flops with stains that show the places where your feet have made permanent marks. It's hard to draw the line sometimes between a sandal and a really nice flip flop but foot stains and ripped foam are key elements that get the everyone in trouble for one person's crimes.

3) No white or light colored skirts without slips. Just because they sell it in a store without a built in lining doesn't mean we all need to see your panties or peachy keen butt cheeks through the skirt. It's called a slip. It was created for this very purpose! LET IT FULFILL THE MEASURE OF ITS CREATION! Do slips and your fellow church attendees a favor!

4) If your skirt is made in a clingy soft fabric- in a flowy design......once again- the SLIP. You will be getting a wedgie otherwise and I don't want to see your skirt bunched between the aforementioned peachy cheeks. Or see you grabbing your butt to pull and reposition every 2 minutes.

5) Shave your armpits. We are not European. This is all.

6) If your feet look like those of a person left in the desert for weeks and then gnawed on by coyotes....please wear closed toes shoes. No one wants to see cracked heels as wide as the grand canyon or nails half-ripped off. Also- every once in a while do everyone a favor and repaint your toenails.

7) Continuing with the foot theme. We all know not all feet are made the same. My toesies are not the same as even my sister's. But this should apply universally. Do NOT wear strappy sandals with the pinky toe coming up OVER the last strap while the rest fit under. If your pinky toe doesn't fit under the straps- the shoes don't fit you right and you MOVE ALONG. Do not under any circumstances buy the shoes and wear them.

8) Yes. You have to wear a bra to church. No arguing. No exceptions. It is the LAW. And no, your bikini top does NOT count.

Ok- that is all for now. Please feel free to add and amend and give to those who are ignorant and committing these crimes as we speak.