Commandaoke? Project Karaoke? The title still needs work

Peeps. This has been brewing for a loooong time. I love a good game and a good challenge. The promise of singing karaoke at Sam's B-day this weekend only spurred on the madness. Karaoke needs to be more challenging. Yes, that's right. Who cares if I totally can't sing as well as Mariah or Christina? Being good is not necessary for what I have in mind. Here are the new rules:

1. You throw in a ton of really well known songs in to a hat. Man songs, Woman songs, Not Sure songs.

2. You get another separate hat and into it you add the names of famous singers with trademark sounds or famous styles (Sonny, Cher, Barbara, Pee Wee Hermann, Snow White, Sarah Brightman, Louis Armstrong, Bob Dylan, Opera, Country, Beat Poetry, Rap, etc)

3. Contestants pick a song and a style and go to it! And train wreck.

4. People will have have gongs or buzzers. Sometimes it will be torturous. Life is agony sometimes and so is the greatest game ever. So bad it's good.

5. Hilarity will ensue.

I think singing in a particular style is both a) awful sounding and b) forces people not to take themselves seriously which are the key elements to karaoke when it is in public. You can sing Faith Hill when you're all alone and then no one has to listen or pretend they like it. And you can realize(as I have) that you are not as good as you sound in the car and maybe you shouldn't try out for American Idol. Unless you write a song and bring mums.

I know there will be naysayers. I have not presented my ingenius idea yet because pretty much everyone I know except Erin and Alison(who both do great Chers) has said "What are you smoking- I can't sing- why would you think I could karaoke and do it in a style?" My response is No I don't think you can sing. That is why I am suggesting this alternative where no one expects or wants you to sound good. That is why this idea could rock hard.

The only obstacle is that people are way too self conscious to tank a song like "Stand By Me" while singing like a large german opera singer apparently.

I am thinking my game only appeals to a select few. And to those to whom it appeals - we must play it someday and see if it is awesome or an abomination.

All Friends Alert- New Plan!!

Erin C my former roomie and pal emailed me to let me know that my velvet voiced nerdy crush Josh Groban is currently single. Now is the time. As my other star-crossed love Jermaine would say- Conditions are perfect. People- we need to make this happen.

This is your notice to go on friend alert. Sista needs a hook-up.

Another Singing Nightmare(not me this time)

OK apparently my dreams have themes or something. Last night was a fabulously wierd one.

Let us jet back in time to about 6 years ago. I was in the imaginary version of the stake center that I often visit in my dreams(the one with a ladies locker room) and I was like BFFs with Ashlee Simpson before she hit it big.

So I am all......girl.....I heard the PERFECT song for you to sing. When I heard it I though this is perfect for Ashlee's voice. It will rock so hard.

And Ashlee is all...really? How does it go?

And I sing in a total monotone: All my girls stand in a circle and clap your hands ....this is for you. Ups and downs, highs and lows no matter what you see me through"

And Ashlee is all.....um....OK. Maybe I need to hear the original version.

And I'm all...TRUST ME it is a song and not the spoken word....just wait till the chorus. So I start in on the LO-LO-LOVE's and she's all yeah....Erica...I'm not so sure about that. It doesn't sound like a song or anything ...like maybe Frankenstein is singing it.

And I am all.....Ashlee I promise you if you do it - you will be a star!!!

So anyways. I then leave her and go into the massive locker room and think to myself. Holy COW!!! Did I just sing the ugliest most nonmelodic line in the world and tell Ashlee it made me think of her??!! Ooops. But I am sooo right. Her wierdo voice is the only one that can pull that off.

Tada. The end. So I sang bad but it was because it was an Ashlee Simpson song so you have to sing bad to get it to sound right.

A Singing Nightmare!

So last night I think I got my payback for squealing like a banshee at choir this past week.

I was apparently auditioning for the Nauvoo Musical Mission again. And I had prepared an audition tape like weeks before with someone playing accompaniment for me. I was listening to some other people's tapes and thinking to myself - ha- no way- I am sooo much better than these hacks. So then at the last minute I couldn't find my tape so I go searching everywhere frantically and other people were even helping me. I finally find the tape and of course then everyone wants to hear it. So I think it's gonna be simple and OK. I mean not fabulous but no major errors or anything.

So it starts playing......and I sound like the worst breathy voiced pitchy wanna-be american idol object of ridicule ever. I wanted to die. Then I spent the rest of my dream wondering how I could gracefully get out of auditioning when everyone already knew about it.

And I wondered to myself- Holy crap!! Do I need a hearing test cause how could I not know I sing like that???

So that's my nightmare. Probably actually a reality except for the Nauvoo part. Ug.

A Mo-Tab Carol

So ....ummmm.....maybe I shouldn't admit this but we all do it so let's come out with it.

I shamelessly people watch during the musical numbers at conference. I have names for my regular favorites. There's :

my friend's Dad with the mustache

silver cloud of hair lady

token black dude

pretty asian lady

really attached to her long hair lady

new young guy with auschwitz cheekbones

I'll just keep some more of these to myself as they really are pretty bad.

Anyways I am not one of those people who have a lifelong dream to sing with MoTab. Maybe this is linked with not wanting to go to the Y either. But right before conference someone asked me if I planned to move to Utah one day to sing with MoTab. I was all Heck to the No. SCANDALOUS!! But then I thought about it. And moving to Utah? Still a pretty big no. But Everyone knows a girl's gotta sing. And ward choir just doesn't cut it once you've sang dissonant operatic stuff.... the virus invades your system. I am managing the sickness right now because I just don't have time, but in the future? Who knows?

My true dream is to sing with Andre Rieu's orchestra if I was to abandon all for being in a choir. Then I could travel the world in pretty ballgowns and sing REALLY difficult classical and pop songs. And be in with an orchestra again without the stress of my own mediocre viola playing. My mouth is watering right now so I'll stop. But anyways...that's not likely to happen.

Look at this orchestra!! See the piddy ballgowns in bright colors!!! I am so there!!

But moving back to MoTab. Supposing I caved and moved and joined? This is where is gets all crazy surreal......

Who would I be? Cause you know everyone gets watched. I'm not sure I am up to that kind of attention/ridicule of my appearance. And moving to Utah will obviously start to affect my fashion sense and my hair will show it. Suddenly it was like I was seeing a ghost of MoTab future. This could be you Erica!!! Big Bangs but Flat Haired Dark Circles Under Her Eyes Chick!! oooohhhooooohhhoohhh!!! clank rattle.

Is anyone really ready to join MoTab? Yikes. Not me!

Not if there are people like me watching!! It's so much more complicated than just being able to rock Mack Wilberg arragements of hymns.