As of Friday I am officially on a "for reals" big girl diet. The first real diet in my life. I don't count the sabotage diet used while living with my grandma to avoid being stuffed like a turkey.
I am scared. I am much more well adjusted today than the two previous days. I thought at many points I was gonna die. I wasn't hungry so much as lightheaded and headachey. I am sure my body was withdrawing from chocolate or pasta. Today I am much better. I also went to a potluck where I kind of had no choice but to cheat a little just cause I had nothing to eat. I didn't have dessert though so that was something. I don't think anyone even brought an item that didn't have cream of mushroom soup in it in some way. Except the desserts.
Some of you may be asking yourself.....dude.....why can't you just start eating better- dieting is unrealistic. My counterpoint- I tried eating better consciously and I lost like 2 pounds in a month. And probably gained it all back again with one pasta breakdown. I want to lose a significant amount of weight and 1 or 2 pounds a month just ain't gonna do it.
Plus I figured that if I join a center and have some accountability I will be more likely to succeed. I also like the idea of having some easy food ready to go instead of doing all the grocery shopping. And I am treating this like something I better get my money out of and that I will treat like a prescription for health. I follow medical instructions for pills and stuff. Why can't I treat this like a prescription? I spend time and effort on so many dumb things. I have decided to use my time and money to get my body more fit and healthy. I feel like I am always getting sick. I want to see if losing weight has any effect on that too.
Part of the plan is to stay with a counselor for a full year learning how to maintain your weight when you incorporate all the normal foods back into your diet after you've lost the weight. I guess there will still be someone there to make sure I don't go hog wild. I don't think I will. I maintained my weight just fine before. Until Nursing. And endless drive through and cafeteria food.
So anyways. This is my official announcement. Me on a diet. Weird. Be mean to me if I even consider cheating. You have my permission.
E was a good cook. This was a fact she knew like breathing in or breathing out. Not to be a conceited pain about it, but it is important to the telling of today's tale. E came from a family of good cooks who were constantly asked to bring labor intensive favorites to people's parties or to host dinner for holidays. E also learned very early on that she would make using the word "NO" an important part of her vocab so as not to get stuck making yummy treats on call for people all the time. She only wanted to cook for fun.
All this being said, E really loved to try new dishes. As a single girl she made desserts to take to events a lot, but didn't have much opportunity for entrees as she was normally cooking for herself(and no, I'm not crying..I'm just chopping onions to make a lasagna....for one)
E's dad's birthday was coming up(we shall call him Cheney). Cheney expressed no birthday present desires. NONE. She had already bought him every conceivable type of clothing this past year and even resorted to a theme for father's day of As-Seen-On-TV due to the options drying up. E suggested shopping at Kohl's. Cheney didn't need more clothes. No gun accessories. No garage gadgets or tools. E bought his some exotic soda and mustard but was stumped and needing something to up the ante and give something better than condiments and a six-pack.
For an extended length of time E had been telling Cheney to go and eat at Blue Mesa and try a delicious corn based dish. Cheney rarely ate out beyond the staples surrounding the family casa and had not yet ventured to try her suggestion. Suddenly E had a brilliant idea! What if there was a restaurant cheater website with Blue Mesa dishes??? She could bring Blue Mesa to Cheney and rock his palate with something yummy and new!
E quickly got onto the interweb and found that Blue Mesa itself had a website with recipes of favorites. E saw a personal fave- the Adobe Pie! YUMMM!! She found a few other websites with "stolen" Blue Mesa recipes and they all seemed to have quite different ingredients but that did not phase E, she would go for the difficult and authentic original.
After a trip to Central Market, and many stops to buy the "Standard" size of ramekin which apparently is NOT standard, E began her prep. She cooked chicken and mixed it with a green chile pesto and pico and prepared to use it to stuff her pies the next day.
Late Sunday afternoon E began her adventure with the main ingredient. Masa. A spanish corn flour made of corn kernels soaked in lime juice and then ground up.
The masa was mixed into a lovely dough with butter and baking soda salt and chicken stock. E used the masa to line the ramekins and then filled them and layered more masa on top. The ramekins looked pretty but E looked at the masa and thought to herself....I wonder how this becomes the lovely fluffy corn pie I remember from the restaurant. Little did she know.......
At the dramatic unveiling of the ramekins from their hot water bath, the hopes were high and the smell was delicious. The ramekins were flipped out onto plates and the lovely golden corn pies were ready to eat. E picked up her fork and dug in.
Cough Cough. BIG DRINK OF WATER. Wow!! Those corn pies were a little dry! And not in ANY way like the corn pie they served at the restaurant. E scooped a little sour cream onto her pie. Took another bite.
Chew Chew. Cough. Blech! It's like eating straight cornmeal! Somehow Blue Mesa had created a recipe that rivaled the feeling of shredded wheat stuck in your gullet. Score! And the corn powder-ey-ness was so overwhelming that it covered up the taste of the super yummy chicken and pesto. Grrrrrrr!
E's parents assured her it was delicious, but both left 90% of the corn on their plates. Riiiiight.
E looked at the recipe and she had done everything correctly. Blue Mesa had seriously sabotaged their own recipe to make sure no one could cook it the same. JERKS!!! On the recipe stealer websites crisco and cream and other delightfully bad for you ingredients were included in the corn masa dough. I wonder how it disappeared off of Blue Mesa's recipe?? Must be those magical internet recipe fairies that ruin the allrecipes and chefs.com recipes. OH WAIT. Those all turn out.
E vowed then and there that she would write about what dirty special event ruining rat-bastards the Blue Mesa website people are and warn all others that their recipes are CRAP.
E was just overjoyed that she had been able to talk up a recipe for a year and then serve Cheney a mouthful of dry cornflour. What a perfect birthday gift. Thank you Blue Mesa for making it possible.
The only good thing about the meal was that even the small amount of corn flour you couldn't avoid eating with the chicken filled you up for HOURS ON END. Maybe this recipe has diet potential for both an easy fast fill up and turning you off of food for life.
Delightful.
Just a few thoughts on dieting (eating less drive thru crap is the real plan)....Since I didn't start the day off feeling particularly starved or about to jump off the wagon, what happened to change that?
1) I am really in the mood for some strawberries. I have none. I seem to want to try a little of everything to see if it fills the need. Nope. I still want some strawberries. I am also too lazy to go to the store today and need to paint like...now.
2) Watching the food network is just a bad bad bad idea. I turned it on so my mom could watch something she likes while she was over and it just happened to be Throwdown with Bobby Flay and the challenge was for CHICKEN POT PIES. I think the sight of a golden puff pasty crust and herbs gently floating in a light cream sauce over smoked chicken and pearl onions was the clincher. BAD IDEA.
3) When trying to eat healthier do not buy Easter candy for other people that is supposed to sit around until Easter. Why hello Russell Stovers brownie egg....fancy meeting you here in my otherwise healthy pantry....
4) DO not have your parents order out for better food cause your stuff isn't appealing to them and they are becoming addicted to your local pizza joint as much as you are. MEAN MEAN parents!!!
5) Do not justify to yourself that you just ate dinner at breakfast time so maybe you should add a blueberry eggo or 2 to your meal to make it breakfasty.
6) If your Special K cereal sounds good to you at the moment just eat it cause if you wait an hour you will change your mind and want mac and cheese or pancakes or french bread pizza or all three. I don't know how many times I could have gotten by with the bowl of cereal if I had just eaten it when I first thought of it.
OK that is all for now. I am sure no one cares to hear about this but I need to remind myself.
At work we received a thrilling little giftcard for 10 bucks to use at our cafeteria or hospital Starbucks as a christmas present. YAY! Just what mama wanted for Christmas. But that giftcard allowed me to have this gem of an experience.
Since the beginning of Erica......the night-time has always been the best time of day. THE BEST. My favorite color is midnight blue. But not just midnight blue. It's that midnight blue fading into purple color just after sunset when you can see the stars appearing. Also - I love stars. Ridiculously love them. Most romantic moment of my life- yup- it was outside with Christmas lights framed as stars overhead. I couldn't have asked for anything more perfect unless it was that it be with someone I was actually dating and that it work out. Sigh. It was so dreamy.
Seriously. I LOVE the night. I am way more awake at night. I feel better at night (I wake up nauseous most mornings-I'm not pregnant thanks). I am in a bad mood in the morning even if I got enough sleep. I just feel like the best "me" at night.
Now I'm working at night. Everyone else seems to hit a wall at a certain hour. Not me. I'm just fine and have to force myself to go to bed when I get home. It's crazy.
The only odd result of this new schedule is that I sleep weird hours and take naps on my days off. The reason I am telling you this tale is that my life has now resulted in MADNESS. For the past two weeks I have had one day of the week where I popped awake at like 4 or 5 am on my day off and felt the overwhelming need to be productive. WHAT THE??? ME???? Alive in the morning???? Perish the thought??!!!!!
So last Sunday I made pancakes at like 6 am and then went back to bed and left the batter for my family. Today I have been up since like 3 and I made a Dutch Pancake with caramelized fresh peaches and blueberries. I would have posted a pic of this culinary masterpiece but it was so freaking amazing my dad and I ate the whole thing and now there's not even leftovers to show for all my effort. (NOTE TO READERS: My bitter feelings about morning in no way reflect any animosity toward breakfast foods as you can see here) Normally I would browse stores online if I was awake in the middle of the night, but since I can't move for a few months, and need to save money, all of my efforts to be industrious end in baking something and reading books. And watching L & O or Golden Girls which are on in the morning. BTW- Golden Girls is like the perfect show to eat breakfast by. But I digress.
A new world has been opened up to me by being awake and alive in the morning once or twice a week. And am I enjoying it? HECK to the NO.
Morning is sooooo boring. It's like an endless business meeting in the accounting department. I feel like I should be asleep and that being awake is like a form of punishment. Not that I haven't been awake before 6am for most of my adult life, but I never have enjoyed it. And now that I have moments of being truly jazz hands awake at 6 am I would like to say morning bites.
Maybe If I could wake up and roll over and see Jim Halpert I would feel differently.
I have been accused (and admit freely) of having a muppet face on many occasions. If you have seen me smile like a muppet(at night) let me promise you I am like a wasted Oscar the Grouch or sleepy Big Bird or recently awoken Miss Piggy in the morning.
I have got to find a better way of spending this wasted early morning time. GEEEEEEZZ!!!
In the beginning...there was beef and the beef was slathered in KC Masterpiece.
Sunday, July 20, 2008 | Labels: Food, TexasFor any poor soul who doesn't know this- take note- you will help yourself out. Use this blog as a reference guide or survival manual if ya will. First recognize something.
We are Southern People. We do things a different way. The right way.
Now that we have made that clear, allow me to give you a lesson that might save your life one day.
Let me preach to you .........the Gospel of Meat.
What is a Cookout? I think universally this term denotes cooking outside. Hot dogs and hamburgers might be involved.
Helpful Tip - (if only hot dogs are going to be cooked you might want to call it a weenie roast(if you are secure enough if your manhood) or just say- We're going to have hot dogs. So simple and easy. Both are a safe bet to prevent the irate hamburger lover's disappointed wrath)
A cookout is something enjoyed around the nation for special events and for cheap dining for family nights. Whee! We're outside. Whee! It smells like something was burning! We have accomplished a caveman-esque task of human life. We burn meat. Make fire. Grrr. (Chest thump)
Now- pay real close attention here Yankees and save yourself a whole world of trouble.
What is a Barbeque?
A Barbeque is an event where real cuts of meat will be served. Real meat. At this point you might be thinking to yourself " Miss Erica, ground beef is real meat that's been ground to itty-bitty pieces!!" That may be nice for you in the North but down here I expect brisket when I attend something someone calls a barbeque. Possibly grilled chicken, maybe ribs, or steak, or sausage. There dang well better be some type of quality real still-in one-piece meat or blood might be shed. And it might be yours. Or your kin's. It behooves those who have been warned to warn their neighbor.
I have literally gone home in tears because some unknowing fool announced a barbeque and I showed up to hot dogs. It shouldn't happen. I lose my cool and start hitting things when I expect brisket and get Oscar Mayer parts. Heaven help us when I have a craving for brisket that gets thwarted!!!
If you can't put barbeque sauce on it- you can't call it barbeque. That should be simple enough.
I have lived in the South for the past 25 years and let me tell you what. If I want a freaking hot dog I will drive through Sonic for a Foot-long Coney. Can you recreate that genius combination of chili and melted cheese and fresh bun for me at your "BBQ"- I think not. And if so will you serve it to me with a Cherry Limeade or an Ocean Water? I rest my case. So ......if y'all are gonna cook and eat outside you best do it right. With real meat.
I honestly can't understand why hot dogs are worth the effort of outdoor cooking outside of camping. If you're gonna go outside and you can keep your meat refrigerated- use the real stuff. Do yourself and everyone a favor. If you've gotta be a cheapo- call it what it is and prevent your appearance on the next edition of COPS as the victim of the skewering.
I'm just trying to help you out. Bless your hearts. It makes me feel good to lift y'all from the bonds of ignorance. Don'tcha feel freer? Do ya minds feel enlightened with wisdom?
Now go home and apply this in your daily lives and trouble me no more with your dang hot dog barbeques.
The Ballad of the Vegorexic and Carnivorosa
Saturday, June 21, 2008 | Labels: Fairy Tales, Food, FunnyThe Scene: New Nurse Training
The Characters:
Cool Black Girl(CBG)- A new nurse from Arkansas
Nice Latina Nurse(NLN)- a friend of CBG
The Vegorexic- A new super emaciated nurse from Minnesota(equipped with Frances McDormand accent with a huge helping of valley girl)
Carnivorosa(me)
The Vegorexic was a lonely and anal retentive girl who walked the earth feeling slightly lost and damaged. Ya. She did. So she moved to Texas because a friend told her to and embarked on a new nursing career.
Texas was totally hot. Oh gee. And the free lunches always came with a few vegetarian entrees. You would think to yourself that this would make a vegetarian Minnesotan happy, but you would be wrong because our dear nursey was .....vegorexic. A distinct difference from the typical vegetarian who doesn't like meat. Little Vegorixec didn't want to eat at all and used vegetarianism as a front to opt out of eating.
She though she was fooling everyone, but unfortunately Carnivorosa had too much experience with vegorexics to miss the clues. When Vegorexic picked up a knife and fork to eat her veggie wrap there was a hint that something was off. Then she cut it into tiny pieces and then separated each veggie into piles which she then moved around the plate and started eating one carrot shred at a time and then threw away the plate without having eaten more than 5 carrot shreds and said "That was yummy -I am sooo full!" Carnivorosa knew now exactly what she was dealing with.
One fine summer day Cool Black Girl and the Vegorexic started a conversation about how gosh darn skinny our Vegorixec was. CBG said to Veg " I have got to lose some weight and you are sooo thin. Whatever you are doing it must be working. Really Working. Are you on a diet?"
"No. I'm not on a diet. I'm just a vegetarian and we eat really healthy. You should totally try it. You'll never go back once you do because you won't miss meat(or food in general thought Carnivorosa). Trust me." CBG gives Veg a skeptic look. "I'll never miss meat? I don't know about that. I don't think I could be a vegetarian."
At this point Carnivorosa walked up to the group and entered the conversation along with
Nice Latina Nurse. Veg turns to CBG and NLN and says"Have you ever tried a Veggie burger? They are EXACTLY the same as a real one only no nasty meat!!" CBG says "For reals? I never had one." NLN shakes her head no that she never tried one either. Veg turns to Carnivorosa and asks "What about you?" Carnivorosa says" Yes, I have had a veggie burger and although I like them I could NEVER say they are exactly like a real hamburger- it's not the same. I like them, but it's a different taste"
This inspires an animation in Veg to prove Carnivorosa wrong. "That's not possible. They are just as good as real burgers. Do you have a Red Robin here in Dallas?" At this point Carnivorosa thought to herself - Why the Crap would you bring up the holy grail of juicy burger goodness to convert us to your sick "tasteless veggie food is easier to lose weight because you won't want to eat it" plan? Now I want a fruity beverage and a Whisky River Barbeque Burger- but what Carnivorosa said was " Heck yes we have Red Robin. Why?"
Veg replied,"Go order their Veggie burger. It's so amazing you'll never want meat again. That is totally the same as any burger." With thoughts of onion curls and a toasty bun in her head Carnivorosa said "I might try that sometime, but all you did was make me crave a bacon cheeseburger or something by mentioning Red Robin." At the mention of demon bacon Vegorexic began to dry heave and make gagging noises. After regaining control she hissed much like Nagini in the last Harry Potter movie.
Meanwhile CBG and NLN's eyes go wide and CBG says "You almost had me going along with you Veg. I can't believe I almost gave up bacon cheeseburgers!?! I'm never gonna be a vegetarian. FREEEK! " NLN nods in agreement and CBG and NLN begin a discussion about how tasty bacon is. Vegorexic flashes a dark look at Carnivorosa, foiled in her attempt to create another minion of PETA. Carnivorosa just flashed her teeth in a predatory smile. Vegorexic thought she might have seen fangs and heard the low rumble of the purr of a big cat, but she was never really sure.
Here is the yummy quiche itself!! Be still my beating heart!Is there anything better than a truly scrumptious breakfast?
On the menu this morning were:
Quiche Tarts with spinach and this spicy tomato stuff in them, or spinach and bacon and cheddar
Pastries with cream cheese and cinnamon
Pastries with lemon curd and sliced strawberries on top
Fresh Fruit Salad
A tray of like 5 kinds of Bagels and like 4 kinds of sliced breads with 3 flavored cream cheeses
OJ
Milk
Coffee for the heathens
Drool. I may still be feeling slightly sick from early Tuesday morning's thai noodle/krispy kreme debacle, but trust me. I did the Panera justice. You can just kill me the day I turn down a spinach quiche wrapped in a fresh flaky pastry crust. MMmmmm.
Now the problem is that it has made me crave more breakfast food. More Panera and maybe some pancakes and a breakfast burrito too. And some Jamba to wash it all down. No way I could eat all that. At once. Maybe. But my tummy tells me it wants it all NOW!
The beast has awakened.
Ok- there was such a dearth(yes dearth) of decent TV on tonight that I watched American Idol while I ate dinner. And then as I sat there in my jammies it got colder and colder and colder. So I decided to make myself some Swiss Miss Milk Chocolate w/ marshmallows hot cocoa in my favorite oversized disney princess mug.
I have had some wierd cocoa recently- a world market dark chocolate cocoa- good but lacking that soothing quality, a mint cocoa someone gave my parents- pure nastiness, oooooh and worst of all some "homemade" cocoa someone else gave my parents-gag hack. I hate homemade cocoa that is just someone using up the nasty powdered milk from their food storage. Do you think I don't know? Do you think that if you can't gag it down that I will somehow? Do you think I didn't notice that it was like 1/8 the cocoa that was required to make it taste chocolately you cheapos? I mean the mix was white for Pete's sake??!! Moving on....
On the infamous trip to Target last week I got the good old standby swiss miss, but I hadn't had any yet.
Have you ever loved a cocoa so much that you wanted to to take a cocoa bath? Honestly it was like manna from heaven. Smooth, chocolatey, with those yummy little marshmallow crunchies that turn into foam if you wait too long.
Ok in all reality it would probably be gross to smell like chocolate.
But peeps- go treat yourself to a yummy cocoa- it's freaking freezing outside, but cocoa makes it all worth it. I promise.
