Wednesday, January 7, 2009 |

At work we received a thrilling little giftcard for 10 bucks to use at our cafeteria or hospital Starbucks as a christmas present. YAY! Just what mama wanted for Christmas. But that giftcard allowed me to have this gem of an experience. 

The Tale of the Really Really Bad Barista

Baddy was having a crappy day. To start off with, she had to go to work at the butt-crack of dawn. Those healthcare workers need their daily shot of incredibly overpriced caffeine and they start their day really early. And they know they are about to be exhausted by their day too. Not too many smiling faces. 

The reason this day was excruciatingly craptastic was that it had been like 80 degrees out the day before and suddenly this morning she woke up to 30 degree weather. What the? And of course the "Starbucks in a hallway" she worked at was a total wind tunnel entrance to the building. Brrrrr!!! So Baddy bundled on her fleece jacket over her thermals and trudged in to work bleary eyed and miserable. 

She made it through the first few hours of her morning like a drone. Luckily she was at checkout and pastry duty. All she had to do was punch buttons and shout orders and swipe credit cards. It really chapped her hide when people payed cash. Then she had to wake up and think for a second. Ug. But hours passed, and the young doctors and parents and nurses slowly thinned out as their shifts started and the hospital got it's morning underway. Yesssssss!!!! The morning rush was over. 

Baddy looked around her and blinked her glazed over eyes a few times. Suddenly she saw what had happened over the course of the morning. It looked like it had rained coffee inside the Starbucks. Sloshed non-dairy creamer, spilled caramel, crumbs. And coffee, don't forget the drips of coffee. So much coffee.....EVERYWHERE!!!!  Caffeine addicts don't act very friendly if you stop the movement of the line to clean up for a few minutes. Finally, now she could take a breath and restore some order to her station. What a filthy mess. 

Unfortunately Baddy was about to commit a cardinal sin in the food industry. Everyone knows the kitchen is dirty. BUT YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT IT TO A CUSTOMER!!!! Baddy was just such a friendly girl she couldn't help herself. Commiserating about her woes, or the customer's woes just came naturally to her. 

Nurse E was just finishing a really really long night at work. In fact it had taken her so long to get out that the rush had cleared away and there was no line at Starbucks- Holy Schnikies!!! Normally she walked cheerfully past the junkies lined up to waste their whole paycheck on their daily hit, but today, after that looong night, and the prospect of sleeping in her warm bed and relishing a super cold day with a book and DVR, she thought to herself " I have a giftcard burning a hole in my wallet- why not start this amazing morning a Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate while it is still available?"

Abruptly she turned and approached Baddy and proudly presented her shiny new giftcard. "A Grande Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate Please!" Nurse E giggled in glee at the glory about to be bestowed upon her. And she looked up at Baddy seriously tried to use the sides of her fingers, her elbows, chopsticks.....anything to NOT have to touch the register keys. Nurse wondered to herself " Do her fingies hurt? What the crap?" And then Baddy let her in on a little secret. 

"Everything is so disgusting in here I don't want to touch it. I am trying to not touch anything at all but I guess I'll have to." 

"YUM" thought Nurse E. "Just what I want to hear from the person about to serve me food." 

She turned to look more closely at the inside of the Starbucks and indeed, it was nasty. But she moved over to the pickup area and took her delicious hot chocolate and called herself lucky to get even a dirty cup of it for free. 

And she looked back at Baddy as she walked away and thought to herself......."Oh well. I hope they give me another giftcard for more dirty cocoa next year. Or dirty cider. That stuff is amazing too. MMMMM!"


Rhia Jean said...

Isn't it? Hope and Alison were right! I normally don't like hot cocoa at all but that stuff was dang freakin' good and I'd take a dirty cup too.

Erika said...

Have I mentioned that my sister thinks you could be the next Dave Berry. Keep those great narratives rolling!