Bad ideas while dieting

Wednesday, February 24, 2010 |

Just a few thoughts on dieting (eating less drive thru crap is the real plan)....Since I didn't start the day off feeling particularly starved or about to jump off the wagon, what happened to change that?

1) I am really in the mood for some strawberries. I have none. I seem to want to try a little of everything to see if it fills the need. Nope. I still want some strawberries. I am also too lazy to go to the store today and need to paint

2) Watching the food network is just a bad bad bad idea. I turned it on so my mom could watch something she likes while she was over and it just happened to be Throwdown with Bobby Flay and the challenge was for CHICKEN POT PIES. I think the sight of a golden puff pasty crust and herbs gently floating in a light cream sauce over smoked chicken and pearl onions was the clincher. BAD IDEA.

3) When trying to eat healthier do not buy Easter candy for other people that is supposed to sit around until Easter. Why hello Russell Stovers brownie egg....fancy meeting you here in my otherwise healthy pantry....

4) DO not have your parents order out for better food cause your stuff isn't appealing to them and they are becoming addicted to your local pizza joint as much as you are. MEAN MEAN parents!!!

5) Do not justify to yourself that you just ate dinner at breakfast time so maybe you should add a blueberry eggo or 2 to your meal to make it breakfasty.

6) If your Special K cereal sounds good to you at the moment just eat it cause if you wait an hour you will change your mind and want mac and cheese or pancakes or french bread pizza or all three. I don't know how many times I could have gotten by with the bowl of cereal if I had just eaten it when I first thought of it.

OK that is all for now. I am sure no one cares to hear about this but I need to remind myself.

New Year, Same Me

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 |

I recently joined a local 24 hr fitness now that I am permanently located somewhere it's about time. Oh the fun that has ensued. People should pretend to work out and just people watch. I have been missing out in my apartment gyms all these years.

Day 1-

Arrive at gym. View that there are approximately 200 seemingly fit people there working out. Choose to try the most physically challenging looking cardio there because I am a hard A##.

As I put my feet in the safety pedals look to my side and see an incredibly anorexic girl working out with a time spent of 56 minutes. She is also "striding" with an effort and speed that I would only use if escaping an onrushing lava flow. Holy crap.

No worries, I start my workout and have a respectable speed and calorie burn. I am not in a competition. No wait, maybe I am. As anorexic girl's machine times 60:00 she slows down finally, then looks at my machine. I am four minutes in. Whoopty do. She looks up at me then back at my machine. I am not sure what the gym etiquette is for a polite way to say "Step Off B before I show you just how heavy my fist is" so I keep my thoughts to myself. She gets back on her machine and starts up. She lasts for thirty more minutes as I burn calories with a forced smile on my face and try to torture her to death. I don't sweat alot just as a part of my viking genes so I have a red face but still am as dry and cool as an Irish glen while she looks like she's in the final throes of malaria. Take that! Finally after those thirty extra minutes she steps down, looks at my machine again and walks away. Defeated. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT!! DEFEATED!! OK maybe she had an hour on me but she couldn't outlast me like she planned. I guess she had no extra fat reserves for energy in emergencies. It must be sad to be skinny.

I keep striding like the beast I am. Yeah!! I WIN!! And to prove it I kept on striding for one whole minute longer than it took her to walk down the stairs to the locker room. That's right B. Fat girl strode for like 2 whole minutes longer than you once the challenge began. I then exercised my arms and legs on the various machines to delay going into the locker room and make her think I had really kept striding even longer. Because fat girls are better at games too. Except maybe dodge ball. Then they may have the advantage at dodging.

Day 2 - After debacle of working out with the spartan army on Saturday afternoon I choose to return at 2pm on a weekday. I walk in to many open machines and ....what is this?? fireman workout time?? JACKPOT. Oh...but they can see me too. Oh well. It's nice to have motivation.

I head to my fave machine that served me so well. No one else is even using the machines so I am all alone. Bliss! I get going and about 5 minutes in a really really creepy man in his 40's comes and takes the machine right next to me. Really? I am pretty sure you are supposed to take one of the other 10 free ones but I am only 1 day in and know very little gym etiquette as I mentioned before. Ewww. I listen to my ipod and try to not notice he is there. Then a smaller Asian man comes and takes the machine on my other side. GREAT. I seriously almost go and grab another machine since there are now 7 off to the side with no-one.

About 3 minutes later my nose starts to twitch. I wiggle it and take a deep breath in and realize it was signaling a smell alert. My new Asian friend is apparently sweating soy sauce or some other gross smell(insert racial slur here). Fab. I try to not start gagging as time passes and it only gets worse. To my joy, he only strides for a few minutes till it proves too much and he goes to bike. Older man also leaves after only 15 minutes. Finally. I look to my side and a super hot fireman type is now striding. I stop my machine and decide since there is so much eye candy today I should maybe stay a little longer and use the weight machines there instead of my hand weights at home. Can you feel the tingling sensation of a bad decision about to happen?? I can!

I use some kind of shoulder stretching thingy(I'm sure I knew the names in high school when I used machines but whatever). Then I move on to the arm curl(oooh lala I know one). I see a lady positioned on the instructions where it says to adjust the platform till your elbows turn at the same level as the machine bends at. Hrm. I can adjust the platform up and down but I am having some difficulty getting it to match my elbows no matter what I do. I start trying to do some reps and as I feel myself being heaved forward I realize...Boobs. That is the factor they are not including in the adjustment. The platform cannot be made any shorter. I cannot get any closer to the weights across the platform. My spectacular rack is now preventing me from getting anywhere near the correct position. What misogynistic gay troll invented this machine and put a woman ON THE INSTRUCTIONS and didn't realize women have some chest-related space issues?? I don't want to embarrass myself by walking away as a few people were looking at me like I might need help(in a condescending guitar center fashion)so I do the best I can for 3 sets of 10 and then walk away. I went home that night and felt fine.

I woke up in time for work the next night and realized my arms and especially my elbows were killing me. They were super tight. I thought to myself I will warm them up at work lifting babies and everything will be fine. By midnight at work, one of my arms was not locked in a 90 degree angle and needed a sling and the other more at a 30 degree angle. I felt like Randy from A Christmas Story. "I can't straighten my ARMS!!!" I cried. Being at a hospital, but lacking a sling I carried my worse arm with my bad arm all night. The pain and inability to straighten my arms continued for three days.

Moral of the story - Stick to your home hand weights and don't use machines that look like they were made as medieval instruments of torture and entrapment akin to the "rack". Racks and racks don't mix.

Must write again........


Ok friends, after a loooong hiatus I think I am back in the saddle again. Or on a completely new saddle to be accurate. I have a new ebay impulse purchase buddy. Meet Mini pronounced "meee-neeee" my new couch buddy.

She is lovely, sleek, and was selling ridiculously cheap on ebay because someone did not appreciate her. I felt her pain.

Now Mini and I are able to sit on my couch and get all kinds of things done while I catch up on DVR or am too lazy to sit at my desk. Tonight I did 3 indexing projects while watching the ice dancing free skate. Previously I would have gotten nothing done.

I hope this is the beginning of many posts to come. I need to write as a part of my innate erica-ness. Otherwise some poor sap has to listen to me talk this all out. And then I will still feel like I should have written. What if I come up with some amazing Julie/Julia type blogging idea? I best write my brialliance down.