The Tale of E the Gourmet

E was a good cook. This was a fact she knew like breathing in or breathing out. Not to be a conceited pain about it, but it is important to the telling of today's tale. E came from a family of good cooks who were constantly asked to bring labor intensive favorites to people's parties or to host dinner for holidays. E also learned very early on that she would make using the word "NO" an important part of her vocab so as not to get stuck making yummy treats on call for people all the time. She only wanted to cook for fun.

All this being said, E really loved to try new dishes. As a single girl she made desserts to take to events a lot, but didn't have much opportunity for entrees as she was normally cooking for herself(and no, I'm not crying..I'm just chopping onions to make a lasagna....for one)

E's dad's birthday was coming up(we shall call him Cheney). Cheney expressed no birthday present desires. NONE. She had already bought him every conceivable type of clothing this past year and even resorted to a theme for father's day of As-Seen-On-TV due to the options drying up. E suggested shopping at Kohl's. Cheney didn't need more clothes. No gun accessories. No garage gadgets or tools. E bought his some exotic soda and mustard but was stumped and needing something to up the ante and give something better than condiments and a six-pack.

For an extended length of time E had been telling Cheney to go and eat at Blue Mesa and try a delicious corn based dish. Cheney rarely ate out beyond the staples surrounding the family casa and had not yet ventured to try her suggestion. Suddenly E had a brilliant idea! What if there was a restaurant cheater website with Blue Mesa dishes??? She could bring Blue Mesa to Cheney and rock his palate with something yummy and new!

E quickly got onto the interweb and found that Blue Mesa itself had a website with recipes of favorites. E saw a personal fave- the Adobe Pie! YUMMM!! She found a few other websites with "stolen" Blue Mesa recipes and they all seemed to have quite different ingredients but that did not phase E, she would go for the difficult and authentic original.

After a trip to Central Market, and many stops to buy the "Standard" size of ramekin which apparently is NOT standard, E began her prep. She cooked chicken and mixed it with a green chile pesto and pico and prepared to use it to stuff her pies the next day.

Late Sunday afternoon E began her adventure with the main ingredient. Masa. A spanish corn flour made of corn kernels soaked in lime juice and then ground up.

The masa was mixed into a lovely dough with butter and baking soda salt and chicken stock. E used the masa to line the ramekins and then filled them and layered more masa on top. The ramekins looked pretty but E looked at the masa and thought to herself....I wonder how this becomes the lovely fluffy corn pie I remember from the restaurant. Little did she know.......

At the dramatic unveiling of the ramekins from their hot water bath, the hopes were high and the smell was delicious. The ramekins were flipped out onto plates and the lovely golden corn pies were ready to eat. E picked up her fork and dug in.

Cough Cough. BIG DRINK OF WATER. Wow!! Those corn pies were a little dry! And not in ANY way like the corn pie they served at the restaurant. E scooped a little sour cream onto her pie. Took another bite.

Chew Chew. Cough. Blech! It's like eating straight cornmeal! Somehow Blue Mesa had created a recipe that rivaled the feeling of shredded wheat stuck in your gullet. Score! And the corn powder-ey-ness was so overwhelming that it covered up the taste of the super yummy chicken and pesto. Grrrrrrr!

E's parents assured her it was delicious, but both left 90% of the corn on their plates. Riiiiight.

E looked at the recipe and she had done everything correctly. Blue Mesa had seriously sabotaged their own recipe to make sure no one could cook it the same. JERKS!!! On the recipe stealer websites crisco and cream and other delightfully bad for you ingredients were included in the corn masa dough. I wonder how it disappeared off of Blue Mesa's recipe?? Must be those magical internet recipe fairies that ruin the allrecipes and chefs.com recipes. OH WAIT. Those all turn out.

E vowed then and there that she would write about what dirty special event ruining rat-bastards the Blue Mesa website people are and warn all others that their recipes are CRAP.


E was just overjoyed that she had been able to talk up a recipe for a year and then serve Cheney a mouthful of dry cornflour. What a perfect birthday gift. Thank you Blue Mesa for making it possible.

The only good thing about the meal was that even the small amount of corn flour you couldn't avoid eating with the chicken filled you up for HOURS ON END. Maybe this recipe has diet potential for both an easy fast fill up and turning you off of food for life.

Delightful.

My mother is Phoebe. Mystery Solved.

For anyone who knows my parents, you all are going to love this story, so prepare yourselves. 

Tonight I came home from church to see my parents sprawled on their respective couches watching a movie. I was on the phone in a totally engrossing conversation, but I did look over and think to myself "WHAT THE CRAP!!!!!!???? They are watching Old Yeller???!!!"

But then I moved along. About a half hour later my phone got disconnected(tragedy!!) and I head to kitchen to eat dinner. I sit down with my meatloaf to eat for a second before I head out and my mom asks 

Mom: " Do you want to watch Old Yeller with us- it's a really good movie!" 

Me: "Heck no. I'm heading to Porter's. And I don't feel like crying tonight."

Mom:" Have you ever seen it?"

Me: "Are you kidding?" .......crickets......" Mom- everyone gets to watch it a million times in elementary school. It's the first time you get to embarrass yourself by openly crying in front of classmates" 

Mom: "Why would you cry? It's not sad is it?"

Me(freaking out): " Are you KIDDING ME??? Have YOU seen Old Yeller??!!"

Mom: "No- it seems pretty cute so far except for all the animals getting rabies"

Me(looking at her in disbelief......then looking at my dad): "This is your fault. I want no part of this. Also- this is an episode of Friends. Goodbye"

Time passes. I go to Porter's. And we re-enter our scene........

Me: " So.......how was it? Do you blame dad?"

Dad:" I didn't remember anything about the movie but that it had a yellow dog. I was as shocked as she was."

Mom: " I've been crying. "

Me: " Yeah- I knew that plot would blindside you with all your comments about how it seemed like all the cute animals kept getting rabies. SHOCKER! Also- Dad- I personally do not believe any human can have ever seen this movie and forget that the dog dies. Not only dies- is killed by it's owners. SERIOUSLY!!! I still blame you"

Mom:" It's OK- the Parent Trap is on now. I think the girls are really gonna get the parents back together."

Me(crying on the inside): " You are seriously kidding me now."

Mom:" No- look there's sparks at that little show they're putting on."

Me: " Mom- Walt Disney apparently made these movies at just your speed. You are seriously the master of the obvious tonight. "

Mom: "You are just getting all of your mean out on me."

Me: "No- you just managed to forget the plots of movies every human breathing on the planet has already seen and can see coming in the first 10 minutes of the movie. "

Mom: " I just think I was childhood movie deprived or something." 

Me: "Mom when we went to Disneyland when I was five you told me you and Aunt Les(her twin) despised Haley Mills for stealing your chance to be Disney's golden movie children because she wasn't a legit twin. You SAW this movie. If not as a child, I watched it like 50 times too."

Mom: " Nope. I think I saw the sequel though."

Me:" The one in the 80's where Haley Mills is the mom? Yeah- I think THAT'S  how you already guessed the plot of the parent trap. " 

Dad(crying in laughter)

Mom: " I'm just gonna watch now meanies."

Me" OK."

An hour or two later............

Mom: "Oooh I love Pollyanna so far. I can't imagine why this isn't more popular."

Me: " This is another one you don't even remember renting for me I take it? "

Mom: " No. There's no way you saw all these Disney movies and I didn't. If I missed them I am sure it was because I was cooking or doing laundry or cleaning up after you all" 

Me: "I'm sure the fact that you pay no attention and talk all the time when we rent movies had nothing to do with it. It's all slave labor all the time here. " 

Mom(gestures in my direction jen's fave gesture)

Me: "Whatever. Watch your wholesome Haley Mills movie. But don't blame me if there's no kleenex in the house tomorrow. "

Mom: " Oh no!! Is this one sad too?"

Me: " You've watched like 3 movies so far in the marathon and you haven't gotten the fact that all Disney live actions from this period have a "twist" at the end???!!! I cannot help you woman" 

 So I thought I would share my revelation with you all. My mother is apparently Phoebe. This explains alot. ALOT.

A Mother's Secret (Lifetime movie pending)

"Holy Crap! That is NOT worth a lollipop!" Slow slide to floor. And scene.

So I am totally unable to use my left arm today. I went to my pre-employment check-up yesterday and they saw it had been 8 yrs since my last Tetanus shot and they give it with Pertussis now to adults(like 4 of my instructors actually got whooping cough last year from being at Children's) they gave me a dpT (diptheria pertussis tenatus) on the spot. And drew blood and gave me a Tb test. On the same arm. YAY!

So the nurse said it would hurt possibly last night or this morning and be a bit achy and I might get a fever or headache. So an hour later I was like OWWWWWW. It was hurting already. I went home and felt crappy so I took a 4 hour nap. 4 HOURS! Then I sat around all night whining about my arm and then fell asleep at like 11:30 and slept for like 10 hours. And tossed and turned all night because stuff kept touching my arm. I was forced to skip my precious Zumba class this morning due to arm gimp and then have sat at home going OW OW OW all day. I went grocery shopping and had to do everything with one arm. Then I came home and had issues putting groceries away because I couldn't lift my arm at all.

Why am I telling you this? It all ties in with the future Lifetime movie. My mom comes home from work this afternoon and asks how I am and I tell her my arm is a throbbing mess and she says....really why? (so apparently she pays no attention to anything going on around her- not a suprise to anyone) So I say...um....hello? I got the dpT in it yesterday. And she's all "Oh....you didn't get all your shots as a child because you were allergic. You aren't supposed to get a dpT you just get Tetanus. "

Ok- isn't a mother supposed to tell her child is she had a horrible allergic reaction as a child? I was like.....mom...I have my shot records and no where on it does it say anything about me not getting all my baby shots for pertussis or me being allergic to anything? Why didn't you say anything about it? Or....maybe WRITE IT ON THE RECORD??????

And she's all "Well....I'm sure I've said something about it before."

And I'm all.....um NO you didn't - as far as I'm aware I have only one drug allergy and that's it. If I had another one you have never said anything or written it on any medical record EVER.

And her response" Well....you weren't supposed to get that shot. I bet your arm hurts bad."

Yes mom.....it does.

The sad reality is I probably would have had to get this shot anyways. Pertussis is way worse that a hurt arm or a possible anaphalactic reaction- right? Someone sell my story to pay off my student loans and credit card if I don't survive.

From the Sickbed

Ok peeps. This will probably be disjointed and badly typed. Why? I am sick and on the good kind of drugs. Oh yeah.

For anyone who wants gruesome details ask me later and I'll tell you. It all involves me and my infection prone throat. And probably the lack of sleep in my previous bloggy.

So ......soft food is pretty darn boring. Soup gets old fast. After having been sick like 3 times in the past 2 months I am also already over popsicles. I am not over smoothies however, YUM!

I have once again exhausted all the resources of my DVR. Holy crud? How can it be that I am sick yet again AND have already blogged on this grievance in the past AND the writers are not striking anymore and I am still TV SHOW LESS!!!!!! This is a crime. All I have to say is bless you Richardson Public Library and bless me too for always checking out far more DVDs and books than I can read or watch in a week. Except a week like this. Although what I will actually remember from Monday and Tuesday ......and maybe this afternoon is questionable.

I have to give props to PBS who has not let me down in the search for new shows. The only things I have to watch right now are new episodes of Signing Time (yay for more annoying signs that I can barely do and will likely forget!!) and the new Andrew Davies version of Sense and Sensibility from Masterpiece Theater. Bless them. And bless their Edward Ferrars who is babe-liscious. I mean come on.....Emma Thompson's version is like perfection...and the other characters pale in comparison to all of Emma's cast. But this Edward can boot out Hugh Grant for the role any day in my book. Heck......I'd go so far as to say that the new Edward Ferrars could come and visit me right now and brighten up a sick girl's day. But he'd have to be blindfolded so he couldn't see me in my sickie-ness. But oooooooooooie!! He is one fine hunk of british male. I highly esteem him.

Another note from the sickbed. I love cell phones. My sister doesn't right now because I keep calling her from my bedroom, but it's much better than having to shout. I'm all

Erica: What up homez?
Kris: What do you want now?
Erica: Isn't this cool that I can call you on the phone?
Kris: No, stop calling me. What do you want?
Erica: Just to ask if you can go get mom.
Kris: Wasn't I just in your room?
Erica; Yeah but I forgot and I don't want to listen to her phone ring for 30 minutes till she finds it so can you just go get her?
Kris: Don't call me again.

Thus we see why I want to be a nurse and ......she doesn't.

Now I am able to get up and go seek mom myself though so the phone stage is technically over. Fun while it lasted though. I am totally calling her all the time now when she is next door. Just for giggles.

OK- Now it's wayyy late and I am ready to sleep for a million more hours. Nighty night bloggy!

Dogs

So here is a bizarre little topic, but to anyone who has seen me around dogs it's probably not surprising.

Do I really love dogs more than the average dog owner? I am beginning to think so.

So I conned my parents(but not really since my dad wants a dog bad supposedly-now I'm not so sure) into going to a shelter this morning to look at dogs and after arriving there my mom looks at a few dogs in their cages and is all.....OK I'm ready to leave. No dogs I want here.

Meanwhile I am like nose to nose with a cutie named Tailspin telling her I will pick her out a little brother or sister from the other dogs and get two of them to keep each other company.

I turn around and in a flash my parents were gone. My sister and I had notes as to all the combos of puppies we wanted to get out and see if they got along. What the HECK happened?

OH my goodness- people these puppies were adorable!!! And they had some like a year old so that you already have them potty trained etc too just in case you don't want the baby puppy phase.

My sister and I lost my parents in the hallway and by the time we got to the front they were pulling the car out to leave without us. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??

So we get in the car and my mom tells me that she does want a dog but none of the dogs there were special. For reals- It's a miracle I'm still speaking to the woman. How can you be a dog lover and go to a shelter with TONS of dogs and not care about any of them? It completely mystifies me. I fall in love with like....tons of dogs all the time. I am just not as picky as her. Not that I'm not specific about the kind of dog I want - I mean there are soooo many abandoned dogs out there I can decide I only want one with 3 legs and a black patch on one eye that meows like a cat instead of barks and probably 2 or 3 shelters will have a dog like that.

I am just annoyed. I am never gonna get a dog. And I feel about dogs sort of like Jesus does about the little children I think. I love them all and I make no distinctions between them. Unless they pee when they get excited or smell bad. And if you wash the smelly ones I love them too.

Sigh.

How can people have hearts of ice? I am so sorry Tailspin. Mom knows not what she does.

Seeing Yourself Through Your Own Eyes

Ever had those bizarre moments in life ...........when you hear you own voice on a tape and you sound like Elmo, or you see a picture of yourself on a night you thought you looked super hot- and people even complimented you - and in the picture you look like you might be missing a vital chromosome?

I wonder to myself sometimes about whether we ever can truly see ourselves from the outside in. If we can have an objective view. If people with really high self esteem have some sort of rose-colored vision where the "special you" pictures are melded into supermodel shots. Or if they just really are so ridiculously good-looking that they never have a heinous photo.

This is all leading to how I see myself....... and can I ever accept a compliment as a compliment and not a passive-agressive-shot at me. Anyways......moving on to one of the highlights of my week...

So I went to Supertarget with my sister this week (I should note that I had a raging cold, fever etc). I was feeling slightly better, so I was willing to make a desperate quick run to Tar-jay. So I pick up some medicine and snacks and head up to the front with my sister to pay. Mind you I had been forced to go to school every day sick as a dog - onsite in McKinney and Frisco at 7 am til 3 in the afternoon and I was BEAT DOWN. I also looked it. Swollen red nose. No makeup. Bags under my eyes from lack of sleep. Voice of Zhoul.

I reach the front of the line and the man at the check out( mid 30's dork) scans my meds and suddenly it sounds like a prisoner is escaping from cell block 9. He's all "WHAT THE HECK IS THIS BELL???" And then says "Oh...I'm sorry there's an age limit on those drugs." So I'm like....."uh wierd.....Ok here's my ID." So he takes the ID and sits there for like a full minute doing nothing. Seemingly waiting for something. Then he says...."I'm gonna have to call the pharmacy manager about the age limit." I am thoroughly confused at this point. I say "I'm over 18- what's the problem?" So he looks embarrased and we sit there for another 30 seconds and then he picks up the phone and says "I'm not sure about what the age limit is- I'll just call." At this point everyone else in the 10 items or less is fuming. So am I - I gave him my ID- I am not aware of any over 30 only items in the store unless it's Depends or Os-Cal. Geez!! My sister is like....."Umm I'll vouch for her being old enough if that helps" Still no response.

Then it dawns on me. So I say....uh sir.....I'm 29.....so I'm also over 21. What age limit are you looking for?" And he hangs up the phone and he looks at me. He is astonished. He looks at my ID again. Then he says "Are you REALLY almost 30?? I'm so sorry I made you wait!" And my sister and I look at each other in complete shock that this man thought I was maybe over 18 but definitely not 21. Also he apparently can't read. And this guy then says "Sooo...you're almost 30. I'm 38. " And hands me my receipt. I am now totally creeped out in addition to being in shock. I grab my bag and pretend to be busy in my purse while my sister checks out. But he keeps talking and digging himself in deeper. Then we RUN.

So back to my point. What the heck? I seriously get carded at least a few times year. For the past 2 or 3 yrs I never assumed they really thought I was too young. Just doing their duty as cashier. But maybe I was mistaken. What the crap with Target man??? Do I really look that young?? It wouldn't disturb me so much if I didn't get mistaken at dances for 20 and have everyone in nursing think I'm 19.

All I can say to these people is "Get your eyes checked!!! stat!!"
If this is the face of 20........Ok it's just not the face of 20- that's all there is to it.
And it's honestly not flattering. The Target dude was all "You should take this as a compliment!"
If I looked like I was 20 I had to look like the most worn out red-eyed awful 20 yr old ever. That's no compliment. Ug.

For some reason mistaking my age for one super younger is insulting to me. I freaking EARNED these past 9 years. I should look mature and sophisticated etc. Not baby-faced.
Now if you say you think i'm .....say 26 and up....and you're a guy ....suddenly i assume you're hitting on me. Not a bad thing to say at all.

What a contradiction. Anyways. Me getting mistaken as young always sends my sister into a rage. Which is actually pretty funny so even though I was offended- it was all worth it. Even better is when people come right out and say they don't believe i'm the older sister. Mwahahahaaa. Ok I guess I shouldn't relish the frustration of others - especially if I'm whining about my own.