The Adventures of Sleepy E in the PC World

Tuesday, October 19, 2010 |

Poor Sleepy E. She had been working a looong shift and needed to go to help with an education class at work again the next afternoon at lunchtime. Which would allow Poor Sleepy E only 3 hours sleep max before heading out into the world to work again. The Agony!!! But alas Sleepy E's mad computer skillz had made her sign up to be an expert in new technology at her job.

As Sleepy E drove up to the Tower of Edumacation, she felt lightheaded and extremely nauseous beyond the normal. To the point that she considered getting back in her car and driving back home to have a therapeutic barf. But no. She pressed onward and arrived in the PC classroom with so many computers and new techie devices. The head teacher was so excited to see Sleepy E's arrival to help out with the class that she, a stranger, gave Sleepy E a bear hug, startling her further awake. We-eird.

Sleepy E helped to pass out all the new techie devices and handouts and saw a few friends from work that attended the class. They were all eagerly anticipating the start of class. And as it began, they learned that this was maybe not a class they should have anticipated, but dreaded. Due to the new technology you ask?? Oh no. Due to the fact that a man that was functionally illiterate/blind was in the class and could not do even one thing to follow instructions as apparently he could only see the device as a blob in his hand. As for clicking on words and making selections.....did I mention the device was just a blobby?

As the class reviewed the one series of actions they had to perform with the device to leave the class, he lay his head down on the desk with his face approximately an inch from the instructions and attempted to see the words to no avail. Sleepy E talked him through each step and was horrified as she thought to herself "What on earth does this man do at work if he literally cannot see ANYTHING?? How does he read medications, know policies, or SHUDDER.....start IV's?!?!"

All of Sleepy E's coworkers needed to stay for a 2nd part of the class that this poor man did not need. But he had to finish his practice exercise and then take a test. Yup. An online test. And they wouldn't start the second half of class until he had finished and left the room. And so Sleepy E's coworkers started to grow beards and curly fingernails as they waited in vain for this man to finish. FOREVER. But then finally the miracle of miracles happened and he was done. Hooray!

By this point poor Sleepy E was feeling so sick and awful she considered dragging a trash can around with her in case she puked. This class needed to end. STAT. Haha...a little hospital humor....I digress...Anyways, the 2nd half was about to start. And so Sleepy E handed out more equipment and sat down to wait and see if anyone needed help. But one of those moments in life, so precious and so few, was about to occur to make every agonizing moment of Sleepy E's day worthwhile.

The people in the second section of the class needed to learn some new technology for creating......Breastmilk Labels. Yes, that's right world. Breastmilk is now a friggin drug and healthcare workers need to get up in the middle of the night(for them) to take classes on label making.

Now reader......sitting next to the blind man, was a spicy older Latina nurse, now alone at her computer station for this second half. Very vocal in not understanding new technologeez. Very prone to hitting bizarre places on her screen and then screeching for help. She was absolutely sure that instead of just hitting CANCEL when reaching the wrong screen she instead needed both Sleepy E and the teacher to both come look at her scanner personally and tell her YES HIT CANCEL. Every time. And stall the class further.

So as they started the 2nd half, Sleepy E was sure it would lead to more shouts of "Just Hit CANCEL!!! For the Love!!!" The teacher began the class. 1st action.

"Click on the picture of a baby bottle. 2nd action. Scan your baby's patient ID band. This will bring up a ID screen which you read and click OK to confirm ID info for your patient. Just to be helpful the screen is Pink for Baby Girls. Blue for Baby Boys. Also class there is a Yellow Screen you may see if a baby is born with undetermined anatomy. "

At which point Latina nurse stops struggling with clicking on her scanner and looks directly at the teacher with a serious look on her face. " That is for the Baybeez Gay. "

Teacher bites her lip and says "If you say so" and continues with the Scanner instructions as if nothing was said. A better woman that Sleepy E. Taking the higher ground of just letting it go.

Meanwhile Sleepy E and a coworker turn to each other and mouth " Baybeez Gay?" And then try to hide their tears and shaking. Then Sleepy E tries to imagine how a labor and delivery would go where the baby is declared with a bad accent "Dees es un how do you say...Baybee Gay" immediately on exit of womb.

Does the baby come out with a He-ey! instead of a squeal? Does the baby's skin rash up on hospital blankies and demand Egyptian cotton with a higher thread count? Does assumed straight girl baby throw up on only the pink blankies and thus come out? Oh the possibilities are as endless as they are offensive.

And in that bright shining moment of unexpectedly offensive commentary, Sleepy E knew coming to class that day WAS worth it!!!