Some days it's good to be me

Monday, April 21, 2008 |

So this post was suggested by my sister as one of her favorite parts of Zoo Day.

As we are waiting in the long line to eat on the patio at Joe T's, we got to hear all kinds of lovely super intelligent conversation. There was a couple in front of us with a preppy frat boy guy and his plastic wife. Both mid 30's at a guess but she's dressing like she is on the Pussycat Dolls Wanna-be show. So as we are waiting 2 other couples join them. Each of the men seemingly pretty funny and grasping at their former frat boy glory. The women.......holy cow. Every one of those girls had a fake rack and chiclet teeth and fake tan and nails and bared bellies and not an intelligent thought in their heads. And every one of them was dressed in hoochie gear for the 18 year old Rihanna wanna-be. I would almost say Fergie wanna be, but I hesitate to bestow that rare honor. (For Alison's enjoyment- I think they each had a different faux camo hat on! In their mid 30's - it was priceless!)

My immediate thought was that the girls MUST work together. And you can guess where I think they work too. Ha. But anyways the real fun was listening to their stupid conversations. WOW! Woweeewowow.

One was mortally afraid of a bee and ran off shrieking. Then the asian collagen queen gets in to deep thoughts about bee stings and how she's never had one. Then she proceeds to quiz everyone about bee stings. For a long time. A lot of WOW and OMG's with wide eyes and pursed lips. Bees are so harsh. Oooooooo.

So then her man is all- I'm going to the bar to get a drink while we wait. So he offers to get stuff for everyone and he asks her and she says she wants a toothpick. I am thinking to myself....is this a new drink I haven't heard of? No she literally wanted a toothpick. So she proceeded to pick at her gums until they bled profusely with her toothpick. And used the blood covered toothpick in conversation to point and gesture and then went back to pickin away -I seriously got a little nauseous. As did everyone in her group I think. Her hubby made himself scarce the minute he gave her the offending object. He must have known what was coming.

Watching her sit there thinking she was the queen of cool and have bleeding gums and a nasty old toothpick was priceless. SO GROSS!! She will never be a Pussycat with that gross personal habit. I can't believe her man is still with her after watching that display. (Which- FYI Kris- while you were washing your hands ....he and the other one in the polo tried to start talking to me cause one of the girls had asked me a question and suddenly I must have seemed like an oasis in the desert. The girls lost interest after I answered them and the guys were all HELLO, but I was all....um....I think not !! They seemed very disappointed when I clammed up and they had to listen to their wives again. SUCKAS- you married the airheads- have fun with that!!!)

So that is my other story from Zoo Day. My lack of silicone, collagen, microdermabrasion, self-absorption, cancer, functional illiteracy and laxatives was never so much on comparison in one day. Boy did I come out the winner!!! Go normal girls! Wheeee! I know the guys wanna get wit that!!! Brain cells are the new black. OH SNAP!

7 comments:

WhiteEyebrows said...

Now I understand what drives those men to be heavy drinkers...

Gabby said...

Though I wonder, WHY were they at the zoo??????

Alison said...

Ok, I'm at work right now, and I had to stop reading and bend over in my chair and start laughing (I only do that when I'm reeeeally amused). Oh, girl, the camo hats?? Nice. :D Chicklet teeth. HA! Oh, and in all seriousness, bees are super harsh. hahahaha!!!

Rhia Jean said...

Oh my gol! You are totally being like too harsh on these girls! Uhh!

word verification word: fdgtekti-it is used to describe a toothpick after Bimbo #3 has picked at her teeth with it...poor toothpick!

JaneHeiress said...

I'm really curious what they asked you, and what you answered that made them all HELLO! Seriously though Erica, do you really think you're a normal girl? Aren't most girls like those girls, except they can't afford the fake tans?

Kristen said...

chuckle chuckle...snort heheheh... snort snort... hahahahaha.. if only I hadn't tried to smash the BEE!!

Erica said...

Melanie- I hope most girls aren't like those other girls!!! I mean I know maybe I'm smarter than average but those girls could all qualify for Beauty and the Geek except for the age thing.

Tumbleweed blowing out their ears etc.

Also Gabby - they weren't at the Zoo. They were at Joe T Garcia's where we ate lunch afterward. They had gone to the main street art fest. Totally deep! This painting was done by Jacques Lefleur and my puppy in first grade was named Puppykins but his AKC show name was Jaques in the Box Cousteau so I've GOT to have this!! Honey- where's your wallet?!!