The Lure of Rejection

Sunday, March 9, 2008 |

Ok- so this is a random topic. Especially on a Sunday which was pretty awesome and spiritual. But....for some reason I was thinking about this so here goes.

Rejection. Apathy. Why does it suck us in?
And why do girls always like the "bad boy"?

These are possibly two separate topics, but I think in some way the lure of the bad boy is linked to wanting something elusive.

Now this blog in no way means I've been sitting around all day pining after a loser who doesn't want me back. It was all inspired by that minx John Mayer.

So anyone who knows me knows I love John Mayer. And hate him. And yet I love him. His lyrics SPEAK to me. He has a way of expressing my emotions like he was in my head. If I was to have to pick the perfect man for me based on song lyrics I would totally think that John Mayer and I would "get" each other.

The reality of the situation however is that he calls phone sex lines addictively and dates girls based on their bra size. And he does cruel things like buying Jessica Simpson a thesaurus and giving it to her as a special gift in front of his friends so they could all laugh at her. Not cool.

This should make me hate him and make all his songs meaningless to me maybe, but instead it just makes me think "why you gotta be like that John?" as I listen endlessly to his music.

I was able to give up the Dixie Chicks when they pissed me off. I have cut down on the Dave Matthews slightly and I feel an emotional distance between us now.

But John........that jerk finds his way back into my MP3 list every time.

Why can't I declare it over between me and Mayer? I think it's all related to how I react in real life relationships. I am an onion with many layers like Shrek. I take a while to boil so to speak but it takes quite a while to get the pot to stop simmering. Need I break out more bad metaphors? As chatty and open as I am about many things, my important and real emotions sometimes get hidden behind my playfulness or my innate Scandinavian ability to create distance between myself and others as simply as other people blink. It's a gift/curse. Probably if I'm being Christlike it's all curse.

Women innately make excuses for men. It is sick and wrong. Although I am not a believer in most worldly theories of relationships, I gotta hand it to the author of He's Just Not That Into You. He basically says if a guy really likes you you don't need to make excuses for why he treats you like crap or why your relationship is going nowhere. If he is into you he will do whatever it takes to get you. If he's made a mistake he tells you why and tries to fix it. If he's not into start making things up to make yourself feel better to fill the silence.

It's so true. How many times do we develop excuses in our head for why things aren't working out with a guy. It's because he's busy, I'm fat, drama with the ex, work obligations, shyness, lack of guts, interfering friends, other clingy girls not letting us get "face time".

The sad part is we probably could have a perfectly nice guy wanting some of our time and attention, but we really get lured in by the challenge. OR for some of us it's not even the challenge. There are people out there who crave to be part of something that is broken because they don't know how to be a part of something that is "normal". For some people "love" means constantly having to fix things or have extremes of emotion to prove that the emotion is still there.

So anyways. Here's to trying to develop normal relationships and not be sucked in by that lovely backside walking away or the table scraps of affection men offer who are just not that into you.

And I will probably go on listening to John Mayer because I am just a little bit broken. And because he says things like "I survive on the breath you are finished with."

Drool (pain in general area of heart)


Rhia Jean said...


Alison said...

John Mayer lyrics also speak to me. "My Stupid Mouth" has been my unofficial theme song for YEARS now--for obvious reasons (always putting my foot in my mouth). :) I won't be able to give him up either.

You're so right about women making excuses for men. We do this all the time. We try to be understanding and patient in the belief that maybe they just need time, etc., but in reality it just shows us how much they really don't care.

Why do we put up with all this bull? I don't know about you, but I'm tired of feeling like I have to "convince" people that they should date me(how depressing is that?). Either you do or you don't--there is no inbetween, therefore if there is no "yes," then it's a "no." (And we women have a tendency to ignore this little bit of information, wondering if something will happen.) I am, afterall, the Queen of First Dates, and therefore know that first dates mean nothing. All they mean is, is that I'm going to try and make up my mind about whether I want to go on a second date with you. The end. It is not a marriage proposal.

Like you've so eloquently said in the past, Erica, the product sells itself. You can't make someone want an Accord when they're looking for a Chevy truck. :)

And as far as being "broken" is concerned, aren't we all a little bit broken in one way or another? Maybe, sometimes, people just have to be a little bit broken together? Maybe then something will get fixed in the process and they will have someone to support them? Who knows?

I don't have any answers, but I do have Elvis to back me up on this one:

"A little less conversation, a little more action, please."

Sing it, baby! And here's to not accepting table scraps in the place of the main course. *glass ching*

Alison said...

Wow! That was a frickin' dissertation. Sorry! :S