A Rose by Any Other Name

Tuesday, August 5, 2008 |

WARNING* Breaking Dawn Spoiler Alert*

In the light of my extreme hatred of the name given to Bella's baby, I decided to blog about names I can't stand.

1) Ugly names. Gertrude, Helga, Norbert etc. IF it sounds uncomfortable or stirs up phlegm coming out of my mouth- it is not a good name. I am sorry. It is the rule.

2) Names based on emotions/virtues. I am ok with say....Hope and Faith.....I draw the line at Chastity, Divinity, Serenity. Don't name your kid Happy, Delight, Miracle, Blessing I feel like you curse your child to NOT have that virtue/personality tendency by giving them that name. This may just be my opinion, but it comes with years of observation.

3) Ridiculous made up names. You know the names of which I speak. Or ridiculous spellings of real names.

4) Mean names. The names that make your kid the punchline of a joke for years to come. IE- my mom's ex-bf was named Buck Shott. Haha. Now the joke's over. And he's stuck with the name. And we know that's a mild version of the parental punchline.

5) Trying too hard to make the name "cool". Celebs always want to have a kid with a cool and original name. Like Pilot Inspektor, or Apple etc. This is a bizarre subject. I don't like poor Rumer Willis's name. I think Apple Martin is cute actually, but the cuteness will be outgrown really soon. I wonder if there are any Bananas out there? B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Kingston Rosdale is cute but very .....la-di-da sounding- verging on the next category of names I hate. I kind of like Francis Bean Cobain. I love Nicole Richie's baby Harlow's name. I don't know. Some original names are super cute and others are just stupid.

6) Country Club names. People- your kid isn't gonna be a Kennedy no matter how hard you try. I used to love a bunch of the names....when I was 12. Then I was all.....ICK. I am still in the ICK phase. I am so over Madison.

In conclusion, I am chock full of bad/sad/ridiculous naming ideas. I will save them for my pets. If I ever get over my allergies I want two black cats named Boris and Natasha. Will I name my children after the pursuers of Moose and Squirrel? No.

And just in case my sister and I ever marry our dream men we have our celeb children's names picked out. And yes they are completely ridiculous. But they rock hard.

Sprout Groban and Creme Buble

I may get a dog and name it Sprout. It's so cute.


Rhia Jean said...

My all time favorite Breaking Dawn quote is: "You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?" I laughed for 5 minutes after reading that. And thank you...I did not really like Renesmee either.

Erika said...

My all-time I-can't-believe-someone-actually-named-their-child-that is Irayda Castle...say it out loud, people. I also saw Fredeswinda (female). I like that, but only for a pet.

Alison said...

I also thought the name of "Renesmee" was ridiculous. gag.

Girl I was in Primary with had the worst name evah--"Passion." Who looks at a sweet little newborn baby and says, *in a soft, adoring whisper to her husband* "Aw, isn't she just beautiful? Honey, look at what our passion made. Oh! Let's name her Passion to remind her of how we had mad, passionate sex in order to get her here. What do you think shnukums?"


Erica said...

Oh yeah. Alison-there was a guy at college with us whose middle name was the name of the city he was conceived in. ICK!!!!!! That is so disturbing. We were all.....well...at least your parents went with the city and didn;t name you sealy or kitchen table.

Kristen said...

Now I can comment since I finally finished the book. Every time I read "Renesmee" I was shuttled back to an 1800's Harlequin romance novel with come creep whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Mental image of gauzy lace blowing in the breeze etc... BARF
Other bad names of note,
and the all time worst from our high school, Anita D*ck.
Poor girl.

Megan said...

There's a Japanese author named Banana Yoshimoto...so yes, there is a "Banana" out there!

Molly said...

Renesmee sounds like something old people would use as a nickname for digestive issues.


Unassuming Person: Hey, Poppy, it's good to see you, how are you doing?

Poppy: Well, I'd be fine if it weren't for my renesmee actin' up. I swear, I need a life preserver!

UP: (silence as they realize that no good deed goes unpunished).