Film Noir Vignettes

Monday, September 15, 2008 |

Instead of the typical quotes I now have for you a series of conversations for you. Please take them in the avante-garde, art-house film style they were meant to be shown in. This is classy stuff. Imagine a foggy night where the black and white film is mostly shades of gray........

A woman pulls her blue hoodie up over her hair, dons her big sunglasses and rolls down the car the car window........
"Hey look! I'm Little Blue Riding G! Whut!"
She then tries to spit her gum out the car window like a man and instead launches it about three inches in front of her to land on the upholstery.

In an attempt to imitate a creepy kid in Texas Chainsaw Massacre..........
"The road don't go there." unsuccessful snort
"Excuse me?"
"The road don't go there." slightly more successful snort
"Whatever you say Clarisse"(in Hannibal Lecter voice)
"Huh? I'm quoting Texas Chainsaw Massacre- not Silence of the Lambs"
"I'm sorry to tell you that unfortunately you sound more like Anthony Hopkins" very successful snort
"FINE. The road don't go there" Snooooort. "Fava Beans and Chianti"

"What is that in the middle of the road? Cement and black stuff?"
"It looks like a grey sweater and tire parts"
"I think it's grey cement and something that goes with grey cement"
"To me I say a cement ploppy and a dastardly mustache shaped tire part"
"Hee hee! Oh NO!!!!! You're driving too close to it! AAAHHHHH! Oh's really just cement"
"I know."
"Maybe a cement turd if you will."
"I prefer cement ploppy but whatever. It was a messy pile o' cement."
"OOooh. I take that back. Cement and turd don't go together."
"They do if you eat shredded wheat. "
"Too true. That reminds me I need to stop eating oatmeal at work."


Kristen said...

I love these. Pure unabashed ridiculousness.
Playa Hata makes me wanna roll on the kitchen floor and pee my pants. Ahhh memories.