Breaking News for all He-men

Wednesday, October 1, 2008 |

Hey Red-Blooded American Men, no not you Emo types......... the ones who watch Monday Night Football and think they can get the babes in beer commercials(and still call them babes), the man who needs a Hungry Man meal and not some femme lean's an announcement for you!

In case you were worrying about your dry skin but are way too lumberjack to use a pansy body wash with microbeads or some such crap, We the makers of Gillette(the best a man can get) have a much less wussy option for you. 

Gillette now offers you a Body Wash that will take off at least 3 layers of man stink in a single shower. AND since we know you were worried, but too butch to say anything, we are announcing an earth shatteringly amazing new discovery that is included in the body wash. DRY SKIN HYDRATOR.  

We know what you are saying to yourself. 

"Holy SHIZ. I have been waiting my whole life for something to hydrate my skin. My wife/Mom/Sister says use some lotion before your hands crack in half, but I ain't the type of guy to use "lotion" if you get what I'm case ya didn't get that - not using lotion means I'm straight."

We at Gillette heard you. We did not create a bodywash with lotion. HECK NO!  The Dry Skin Hydrator is in no way a lotion. It uses cyborg alien micro....chips from a far off planet to invade and colonize your skin cells with moisture. No wait....not moisture....guys hate moisture.....they colonize you with H20 and lube.  Yeah lube. 

So get your woman/mom to go to the store and buy you some Gillette Body Wash with Dry Skin Hydrator. She may say to you"You mean Body Wash with Lotion?" or "You mean Cream Body Wash?" and you can feel confident in saying to her "DID I SAY LOTION??? NO!!! I want the one with alien cyborg H20 microchips made for MEN. Duh!? Now go back to the kitchen"

No need to thank us. We're Gillette. We're too straight to feel comfortable with praise from other men. Unless you feel like giving us a sports trophy or a raise.


WhiteEyebrows said...

I'm dying laughing here.. this is AWESOME! Best ad ever!

Rhia Jean said...

Gillette can market anything and it would be manly because it's Gillette. They did it the right way: Make only razors for like 50 years, then go on to make other stuff that men wouldn't normally buy, but they will now because it has your manly namebrand attached to it.

Alison said...

I love that you used the word "lube" twice. I'm giggling like a 11 year-old right now. :D

Molly said...

I almost fell over laughing. Can I read this to my class??

Erica said...

Molly- feel free. Kids need to hear the word lube from adults every now and then.

Allie said...

I am with Alison... of course I just told my sister I sent her a package and died laughing.. yeah I am mature! I have to say have you seen their commercials for the new shampoo? Brian looked at me like if I use that will I get some? I just shook my head and laughed on the inside!