What NOT to say

Thursday, September 24, 2009 |

I realize I haven't blogged in quite a while. I've been a busy little bee on my few days off. After spending a lot of time on the computer at work the last thing I want to do lately is get on my computer at home. But you know something would have to inspire me after a while...if only to use my blog to vent.

Upon meeting a person for the first time let me just give a general recommendation. Do not ask WHY they don't have kids.

What could you possibly imagine would be a positive outcome from this question? The only possible responses:

1) I don't want to have kids (ie they don't like kids- let's hope not in my profession)

2) I am physically unable to have kids or trying unsuccessfully

3) I'm single

The best part of this whole thing.......It's not anyone's business why ANYONE doesn't have kids unless they are a close friend and it's shared with them willingly. The fact that I keep on repetitively getting asked this question lately is freaking ridiculous.

Now I understand....I am a pediatric nurse. Moms generally do ask if I have kids of my own at home. I say no.....and they MOVE ON. I can't believe more and more people think it's OK to ask why!!!

I mean....imagine if my answer WAS infertility or something tragic. Are you really prepared to deal with my raw emotions 5 minutes after we meet if I say "I CAN'T HAVE BABIES OF MY OWN! WAAAAHHHHHHH!" and start bawling. Or just quietly tear up.

I always say I don't have any kids right now because I'm single but I plan to have a family some day. I think that's a nice answer to a RUDE RUDE question. But au contraire mon freres. Rude people can't stop there.

"What does being single have anything to do with it? "

"Why don't you just get married then?"

"Why do you think you need a "relationship" to have kids if you really wanted them?"

And with the greatness going on at my work lately parents and guests can be as rude as they wanna be and there's nothing I can do about it or somehow it will all come back on me.

I don't even know how to give a non-rude response to that kind of stuff. I mean anything I can say back to them in response to that makes it look like I'm judging them(The unmarried moms and dads and guests are always the ones asking me all this). Which I don't care about but they bring the topic up and then force me into a corner where all I can do is just say it:

"I believe in marriage before kids"
"I can't force getting married."

I had one woman (illegal alien of course) telling me you have kids just cause you want them and the whole man part is optional and I had everything all wrong. I should just have babies and everything in the government is made to help take care of me. I wanted to SLAP her. On so many levels. (Goodbye tax dollars.. nice knowing you! wheeeeee!)

So anyways... What a fun topic.

These conversations lately have been about as fun as the ones where people ask why I'm not married or why aren't you dating that guy? I love love love getting to point out my own undesirability every time. It's like a instant emotional transport to the debbie downer depression level of Eeyore.

You can imagine a great house party and sparkling conversation and then some idiot asks the dreaded question and instantly I've gone from Pink starting the party to a Donkey on Lexapro "Nobody wants me. I'm all alone. That's why. Now someone pin on my tail again and I'll go float down the river."

Ok venting over. Deep cleansing breaths. I'll try to post a house blog soon after I get the keys next week so I can show all my DIY projects.


Allie said...

That is awful. I would have nothing nice to say back, Brian and I have been getting the when are you going to have more kids question... sometimes I want to just make it as awkward as possible. I used to dread going to all my friends bridal showers cause the questions that were asked there. I think we should make a shirt for those awkward questions... :D

Erin said...

Unfortunately the same people who ask stupid/rude questions like that when you're single will continue to ask them when you're married, pregnant or any other time their socially inept minds come up with them. You might try telling the next idiot that you have a policy against talking about your personal life at work. All the other answers I'm thinking of would probably put your job at risk (though they would be INFINITELY more satisfying).

Alison said...

I love the Eeyore comparison! A donkey on Lexapro? Brilliant!

Oh, and I totally agree with you on this one. R-U-D-E. The end.

Rhia Jean said...

Ah, yes, these inappropriate/rude/awkward situations are my favorite! Number two on my favorite awkward situations list is when someone just assumes that you have a boyfriend or husband or kids. Then when you tell them "I don't have blah blah", it is followed by an extremely awkward silence in which both parties try to look at everything but each other. Or sometimes they say things like, "You don't? Huh...weird." Yes, thank you. Or here's my third favorite: "Oh, well, you're still young." "Uhmm...I'm about to be 33." "Oh...well...that's still young..." Yep, it's reeeeeeaaaaaallllly young huh? Ok, I'm done.