The Tale of E and the Friend Date

After a loooong break due to work and school, I give you readers a tale of woe, misery and dry heaving.....the Tale of E and the Friend Date.

E was not dating much (#dying alone) so when she was asked on a friend date, she was overjoyed. Not only was the date referred to as a "date"in the asking, it involved dinner and then concert tickets. Legit. He forked out yo.

E was a bit wary as it was approximately a billion degrees outside in the Texas summer heat, but she figured she could try to rock that dewy glow. Or whatever....every other female there would be dripping in sweat too so no one would have room to judge. She still bought a cute outfit and was ready at the door on time for a fun night out. As she and her date zipped away he leaned over her and reached to roll down her window. She was puzzled. "I don't need the window down, but thanks!" she said. And Mr. Date gave an ominous reply " The air conditioner on my car is broken, but it's fine. I'm used to the heat." E urgently shrieked "But we can take my car!!! Please!! We're only a few blocks away and it's HOT!!" Mr. Date smiled. "No. I want to drive my car. It's fine with the windows down." But it wasn't. Clearly he was very concerned for her comfort. (Editor's note: This tale is narrated by Vincent Price in case that wasn't clear)

They arrived to the dinner/concert location. She was already covered in sweat and feeling ill. They walked to a food festival a bit down the road with tons of local restaurants selling their best menu items. He had already paid their entry to the festival. Yummy! But alas.....he did not intend to fork out for purchasing any food. He thought it was all free with entry. She tried to look for free samples and cheaper items. E offered to pay for their food, but received a gruff "No I already PAID, we can find something!" in reply. Eventually he bought them each an item and they sat to eat. E needed a break. She was about to start dry heaving from heat exhaustion and it was only 90 minutes in to the date. She said "Mr. Date, I need to use the restroom, back in a minute!" and she headed to the public restrooms about 20 feet from where they were sitting. She gave her self a "You can do this, you won't die from one date" pep talk in the bathroom. No water fountains. Ugh. She washed her hands and blotted her face. So sweaty!!! Why did she even try!!Why buy a new outfit for a friggin friend? And she looked like a drowned rat at this point from the sweating!!

She took a deep breath and walked out. Mr. Date was not in their seats. Odd. She began to walk to their "spot" only to hear "HEY" from behind her. He had waited at the bathroom door. Her skin began to crawl. Maybe that would be gentlemanly to some but it felt like there was no escaping him even for a moment. The bathroom was literally feet from their table, In sight. Shudder. It was all becoming a bit weird now too. Maybe she was going crazy from the heat. Maybe it was the opposite of stockholm syndrome. Maybe her heat stroke was making her view an innocent man as her evil captor. Who knows? The heat does things to your mind.

They began to head over to the concert. E was wilting. The 100+ degree heat was melting her. And she has just eaten some food but with no drink. She mentioned to Mr. Date," I am dying for a cold drink. It's super hot out!" He told her buying drinks was a waste of money. They continued walking to the concert when he stopped her and said" I hope you don't mind sitting on grass." She was puzzled. " You told me we had lawn seats so I am fine with it." "NO" he said. "I mean actually sitting on the grass. I left the blanket in the car and I don't want to go get it." E's smile froze. That lawn was famous for being inundated with puke and beer on a nightly basis. "Mr. Date, I don't really want to sit on that grass if the blanket is here. I can wait for you to go get it."  "Well then, WE can go get it." And so E psyched herself up for 30 more minutes of walking in the Saharan heat. When they reached the car he opened the trunk only to exclaim in delight " Look! I found some water bottles I forgot I had! It may be hot but now I don't have to buy us anything!" E looked on in horror. "But but....that water is HOT!" "It's fine and it's free" he said. They walked back. By now her feet were beginning to blister from the heat of all the walking on pavement, burning and melting through her sandals. Owwwie!!

They entered the concert and he quickly guided her past all of the vendors hawking cold drinks and food. Heaven forbid she get a cold drink that night! They sat. She began to pray the sun would go down so she could cool off. Mr. Date chugged his hot water, She opened hers to give it a try. NOPE. Gag reflex blocked the attempt. It was not gonna happen or it would come back out.

The concert started. The opening act was great. Mr. Date took off his shoes. She kicked off her sandals. He moved his legs in to sit with them crossed and started to "Oh NO...What the.....No No No....Don't gag! Don't gag" PICK THE DEAD SKIN CHUNKS OFF THE BOTTOM OF HIS FEET. She looked away. She swallowed deeply a few times to try to get control. She thought about running away. Nope he'd follow her if she tried a bathroom excuse. Could she just run and call someone? Maybe she could talk to him like a personal date coach and say "Mr. Date, that is a level of unacceptable that I never thought I would encounter. When you take a woman out you need to not groom your feet. OK? " Nope. She couldn't even. She didn't know how to say "Gross Dude" and remain friends. So she sucked it up. She tried to focus on the concert, but he started to try to reach for her hand. She shuffled farther away on the blanket. He lay down in a different position and casually reached again. She was basically off the blanket at this point. This poor guy did not have a clue.

The sun set and a night full of stars came into view. The temperature came down mercifully. Other couples on dates began to enter after the first act and the women all looked fresh and lovely and had beautiful wavy locks that were in stark contrast to E's wet rat look. She tried to fluff her mangled sweaty hair, but finally gave up. She was sure she was a super stunner. Perfect.

As the temp continued to decrease E was feeling more herself again. They stood for the main act of the concert with the rest of the crowd. Suddenly two men began running through the crowd behind E and Mr. Date. A thief maybe? .......and a security guard. The thief was running at top speed downhill and bumped into them from behind. The thief turned and ran off at a different angle down the hill. Mr. Date and E started to turn to see what had hit them when the security guard still running in their direction lost his balance. To keep upright and to change direction to the thief's new path, the guard sucker punched E right in the bicep. She looked at him in shock as he ran off without even a word. Other people in the crowd looked at her with big eyes and open mouths. " I just got punched!" E said. "I can't believe he sucker punched me!" "I know!" Mr. Date said, "I got bumped around!" E's shocked face changed into her what the heck is wrong with you face. "But.....I got punched." "I know" he repeated. "Those guys just smashed into all of us in the crowd." E was now pretty much disgusted. She was about to run after them on her own behalf to demand an apology. (Editor's note: This is the point where E's dad says she should have asked for a cold drink.....for her arm)

She stood there stunned for the rest of the concert cradling her arm. They drove home. He wanted to use her bathroom. Of course. She let him use Slim K's. He would not freaking leave. He tried to make a move on her again and her puppy SpazMila attacked in her puppy way. She growled and tried to jump into mommy's arms for a hug. When a 65 pound fluff jumps at her mom to protect her, it pretty much seems like as assassination attempt regardless. And finally Mr. Date left. And E sighed with relief. And vowed never ever ever to go on a friend date again. Like ever.

Brave New World

As of Friday I am officially on a "for reals" big girl diet. The first real diet in my life. I don't count the sabotage diet used while living with my grandma to avoid being stuffed like a turkey.

I am scared. I am much more well adjusted today than the two previous days. I thought at many points I was gonna die. I wasn't hungry so much as lightheaded and headachey. I am sure my body was withdrawing from chocolate or pasta. Today I am much better. I also went to a potluck where I kind of had no choice but to cheat a little just cause I had nothing to eat. I didn't have dessert though so that was something. I don't think anyone even brought an item that didn't have cream of mushroom soup in it in some way. Except the desserts.

Some of you may be asking yourself.....dude.....why can't you just start eating better- dieting is unrealistic. My counterpoint- I tried eating better consciously and I lost like 2 pounds in a month. And probably gained it all back again with one pasta breakdown. I want to lose a significant amount of weight and 1 or 2 pounds a month just ain't gonna do it.

Plus I figured that if I join a center and have some accountability I will be more likely to succeed. I also like the idea of having some easy food ready to go instead of doing all the grocery shopping. And I am treating this like something I better get my money out of and that I will treat like a prescription for health. I follow medical instructions for pills and stuff. Why can't I treat this like a prescription? I spend time and effort on so many dumb things. I have decided to use my time and money to get my body more fit and healthy. I feel like I am always getting sick. I want to see if losing weight has any effect on that too.

Part of the plan is to stay with a counselor for a full year learning how to maintain your weight when you incorporate all the normal foods back into your diet after you've lost the weight. I guess there will still be someone there to make sure I don't go hog wild. I don't think I will. I maintained my weight just fine before. Until Nursing. And endless drive through and cafeteria food.

So anyways. This is my official announcement. Me on a diet. Weird. Be mean to me if I even consider cheating. You have my permission.

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Nordstrom

Dear Bloggie,

Since I had today off.....and totally slaved away yesterday....and totally didn't shop on Saturday.....I way deserved to shop today. So I did. No recriminations bloggie. It was some well needed me time. And as I was driving home tonight at 9pm I thought to myself...why do I love shopping so? (I also thought- I am glad I got lunch at 1 instead of "waiting til I get home to eat lunch" since my trip lasted a leeeetle bit longer than intended)

Here's another thinker bloggie- Why am I not on Project Runway since at least once a month I get an idea in my head for a whole outfit or maybe just one specific item that apparently does not in reality exist although it SHOULD. And I spend endless hours shopping for something that does not exist.

Let us review the items that I apparently cannot find.

1) A sweater dress made for a woman with boobs. Yes I said boobs. And all you flat girls bite me. I get to whine about clothes not fitting on my own blog darn it. I have literally tried on like 15 sweater dresses....not ONE of which fit me correctly. ARGGGGG!!!!!

2) A pair of grey knee high boots. For realz bloggie, this item has been my holy grail since 2006. I found one pair for about 400 dollars last year that were still not even exactly what I was looking for even if I was a lottery winner and didn't have monster calves that never fit in boots anyways. Even if I couldn't afford them or fit in them, to know my dream boots existed would make me happy. Right now those boots are like the rattle in your car that is not there when the mechanic drives it. Please prove that I'm not crazy !!! ACCIO BOOTS!!!

I am so frustrated by my search for jewelry that I resorted to going to Michael's and (beading) tonight. I would be ashamed of taking up the 12 yr old girls sleepover hobby, but I've been driven to it. DRIVEN bloggie. Over the edge it seems.

This obsessive need to locate the perfect item has occurred in the past. For example- my red hoodie search ended happily last summer at JC Penney after many years of fruitless searching and pining.

Do men understand this impulse at all bloggie? The need to find the item of your dreams? The pull of the sale rack? The satisfaction of buying a skirt at one store and shirt at another that totally match. And then finding amazing shoes later that were made for the outfit? The heavens smile down upon me sometimes, choirs sing, violins play, and a warm glow emanates from the "the perfect(and on SALE) outfit".

Bloggie....I see you looking at the shopping bags sitting in my room. Ummm.....(guilty smile)Listen, I am finished shopping for this week. Ok and next week too. I will totally be good and pay off more school stuff. And eat at home. And try to not buy another purse even though....

Ok one more

3) The perfect dark magenta soft leather purse. I see a bunch of wallets in the right color scheme but no purses. Where is my magenta purse??

Oh. Um. So yeah. I got distracted. What was I saying bloggie? Oh yeah. I promise not to buy stuff for a while. Apparently the fashion industry has your same interests at mind and won't make awesome stuff for me to buy anyways right now. Jerks.

Hey! I was calling them jerks, not you bloggie. You're so sensitive.

Awkward

This is another blog about those special people. This time about those who get their way by the sheer awkwardness/shock value of their behavior.

I prepare myself for the nosy people, the gossips, the jerks. I know to avoid the the nit-picky bosses and the lazy co-workers(not an issue now luckily- yay nursing!). Every once in a while someone breaks through the defenses I have set up by the sheer unexpectedness of their behavior. Asks the question NO ONE should ask , much less in public. Signs you up without asking to take on a task which you don't find out till to late to replace you. The HUMANITY!!!!!

Today was one of those days when someone got me. I admit it. They managed to do it by being a) socially unaware 99% of the time and b) talking to me across the room in front of like 6 other people. Normally I would be able to still be a total pain in the butt and defend myself against this onslaught of "special" behavior but when you add the two elements together........it's not as easy to be mean and evasive in public conversations. ARG!!!! I was USED!!!! MANIPULATED!!!! And there's not much I could do about it!!!!

And I admit it. Although I am my mother's role model for being an empowered woman who says no and controls her own destiny....I do frequently say yes when I should say

SCREW YOU!!!
HECK to tha NO!!
Why is my time less important than yours???!!!
It's none of your business!!
If you don't want to do that, why should I?
I don't want to get involved!
MAKE ME!!!
DO IT YOURSELF IF IT'S SO IMPORTANT!!!
Are you kidding me? Seriously?
And why would I want to do that??
That's not a talent or something I enjoy doing. Ask someone who actually likes to do that.
What made you ask me?
DO I look like I need another thing to do?
In the time it took to ask me you could have done it yourself.
WHO CARES????!!!!!
Why should I take one for the team again??? Isn't it your turn??


These are all expressions that maybe I should have used in many situations in my life. I let special people manipulate me because I don't want to hurt their feelings or damage their delicate psyches. Or I am unsuccessful in my stealth avoidance techniques of these people. Or I just can't get the words out. ARG!!!! The inner desire to please and be nice is always my downfall.

My evil self has been foiled again !!!!!

Superficial People Annoy Me

For so very many reasons this week, I am annoyed with people whose lives revolve around judgements based on money and looks.

Disclaimer: I realize I wear a new outfit or shoes like every other week at church and that I go overboard with makeup and hair. This being said- they really don't matter all that much to me - I just think fashion is fun. I mean hello peeps? I did wear the same 2 super stained outfits for a year and half in argentina. I just appreciate my ability to wear different stuff now and I am taking full advantage of it. In the manner of a broke girl. Moving on.

So, it is slightly frustrating to me to shop for houses online (just for fun) and have the everyone around me chime in cute or not while one person says- I can't believe you're looking at crappy houses like those. Gee thanks! That makes me feel great about myself. Since my life(and the lives of all your other fellow co-workers) bores you so...... we can all go look for uber-expensive houses for you. YAY! Fun times. I am sorry that we shabby members of the rest of the world cannot make demands that the countertops have to be granite, the pool huge with space for water sports and a side yard for your herb garden, there be a "grand entrance" staircase and room for 3 cars and a boat. It must be a tough life. And it really makes us all have sympathy when you whine about the difficulty of picking out this dream mini-mansion from among all the ones where the previous owners had bad taste in paint color. Such a tragedy. When I am ripping down 7o's wood paneling and wallpaper and de-popcorning my future home's ceiling I will be sure to break out my violin and play a sad tune for the painters you hire to make your home all beige again.

Ok, Round Two-shout out to all the shallow men out there. Who knew that being visibly in front of people at church this week would inspire the interest of PEOPLE I ALREADY KNOW? There is nothing I HATE more than guys who you are introduced to like 5 times who won't give you the time of day as a living breathing human because their lives involve one interest only- The Flavor of the Week. There are a ton of people I really don't care to ever be friends with because they are such jerks when you are not in the Top 3 that day. You can tell that they are being coerced to even respond with words as a friend introduces you. Usually they turn their head to the side and don't even look to see who you are as you are being introduced. I am always super disgusted. So anyways, this week's particular loser I have met on .......like 4 occasions now. (against my will I might add)I have actually been at a dance with him and another male friend and stood there and talked for like 3 hours. I could tell 100% at the time that I couldn't stand him and thought to myself- it annoys him that I am even here alive and breathing and not a hot 18 yr old. Must be frustrating to have to talk to the non-beautiful people on a day to day basis when your shallow-meter is so sensitive. So apparently I must have been looking Mighty Fine yesterday because after church he runs up out of nowhere to introduce himself and say How could we have never met before?!!- please tell me all about yourself now!!! Because I am a huge chicken I just said hi and gave a quick response before walking off. In my head this is how the conversation went.

"Hello. We've never met and I don't know how that can be. I'm ______"

"Hello _____. I would tell you my name but I've already given it to you like 5 times so I don't think it's worth telling you again. "

"Seriously? I'm so sorry. Just tell me again because I'm bad with names."

"Actually you're bad with people in general. You're only good with hot girls. And they don't particularly like you or you wouldn't have to learn a new one's name every week."


So anyways, this is my beef. I don't care if men are visual creatures. Whatever. I could care less. But PEOPLE should be nice to PEOPLE. Then when your eyes are opened suddenly to someone being hot to you, you can say "Erica...you look amazing this week. I've never seen you this way before. We should do something." and not "Ummm hi..... I don't think we've met." If you have met and you don't remember it, you are starting off in a hole you may never dig yourself out of. Jerks. Seriously. I wonder if on the inside he knows he has been introduced and he really thought to himself that acting like we've never met was the intelligent way to start off if he couldn't remember my name. Major points could have been won back if he had opened with "I know we've met before a bunch of times, but remind me of your name again- I just wanted to tell you you looked pretty today. "

See. Is that so hard? Although in reality -why am I even trying? These people wouldn't be reading this blog as it has no pictures.

On the Occasion of My Approaching B-Day - Reasons I am Irresistible to Men

In honor of my upcoming landmark birthday- I decided to honor myself with a photo montage of my greatness. As I considered and pondered over the many milestones of my life and what has made me who I am today, it seemed the only thing lacking in my future True Hollywood Story is a person to share my perfect life with. It is a baffling and tragic mystery why I am not as yet married. Maybe as we take a nostalgic look back, we will solve the puzzle......

And so I present to you........Erica

1) Possibly the first place I went wrong was in taking childhood pics at Kinderfoto where I was exposed to toxic pink radiation. There is a whole generation of people who might have children with two heads. Seriously. We're all gonna be pink in the great annals of History (Wikipedia) when we are dust and the future a mere memory.



2) As far as this picture goes, I have always been a kind of a summer beach baby. It is hard to explain my appearance on Toddlers Gone Wild. I freely admit it. I think I had one too many Otter Pops and I was convinced at the time that reality TV was an avant garde form of art and not exploitation.


3) I have always been pretty much a money-grubbing opportunist. Imaginary characters were the least of the people I have charmed for cold hard cash or bling.
4) For a brief period of time I was a bandit. A peace loving bandit, but a bandit nonetheless.

5) In order to change my ways after my years of criminal activity, I became a superhero. I am still occasionally called upon to save people and fight the forces of evil using the red knee highs of justice. This obligation of mine leads to much less free time than I would like, even now.

6) I have been surgically enhanced, but it's so subtle I thought no one would notice. Men like girls with curves right?

7) Ok my teeth are not perfect little Chiclets, but at least they're straight. To my credit- you'd never think I was British.



8) I might have an unnatural love of cake and chocolate. And yes I did wear the occasional bow. That looks like my head is being attacked my a vampire bat. I realize now that was a fashion mistake.


9) I lost my possibility of a modeling contract with Teen Magazine over that love of cake and chocolate. And insisting on wearing jelly bracelets at the shoot. Come on, a girl needs accessories!I had the waif look down far before Kate Moss ever did.

10) In desperation at the loss of my dream career as a teen model, I became a little.......well...needy and .....OK I'll say it...desperate. Even if I advertised myself a Russian Mail Order Bride, I never went through with it OK? I have some pride.

11) Laurels activities are not my fault. Their creepiness and forced participation is evident in my eyes I think. And if men see me in this hot wedding dress and don't wish they were the lucky groom......well....then...maybe I can blame my advisor for her plan completely backfiring. It is not at all off-putting that I have temple wedding pics with no wedding. Not at all.


12) I just love costumes and especially holidays. And home cooked food. Recent new stories have probably helped to promote men's deep desires for a wife with poofy hair and a bonnet and gingham dress. I am ready to be your pioneer wifey-poo!



13) Maybe I have gone overboard with my hairstyles a bit. Men can be intimidated by a high maintenance beauty routine. As you can see from my cousin's face, a lengthy regimen can make you start your day off a bit grumpy.

14) I might have the bird flu. I'm just sayin.

15) I started off in life with some hard core habits. Books and the beer are hard ones to kick my friend. A man would only come second or third really in my priorities.



16) Still drinkin the hard stuff years later. Men don't like it when you take the last one. Ahh root beer memories....if only I remembered them.


17) My moustache is more luxurious and full than many people would expect. I have tried waxing and bleaches, but I think I am just destined to be a just little bit Magnum PI. It's OK. I have detective skillz too. The mustache and crime solving genes are linked. My grief over the mustache gets even out with my joy over a good mystery solved.



18) I try to be a good cook. It's just so hard! Maybe it's a natural gift for some women, but as many times as I try to bake for men, things just turn out yucky. It did not look like that when Giada made it. Where did I go wrong?

19) I am a Gryffindor. There appears to be a really high mortality rate with Gryffindor men, so the male/female ratio is now wayyy off since the war with Voldemort ended. I suppose I could date people from other houses, but seriously. Seriously. Can you imagine me and a Hufflepuff? It's just not right. I'd rather kiss a dementor.

20) I have a huge time commitment and travel schedule with my band. Maybe when we stop touring I'll have more time. That's what I always tell myself.

In conclusion, my singleness is a seriously disturbing and captivating mystery. It's right up there with Area 51 and the disappearance of the Maya or Amelia Earhart. Men have no clue what they are missing.

Or maybe they are afraid of trying to get wit all this babe-lisciousness and being rejected. It is a real and valid fear. As a former Model/Superhero/Rocker I do tend to leave hearts strewn along the road in my wake. Heartbreaker has always been one of my favorite songs. Maybe one day I will stop using men like kleenex and just find that one special one. My lobster. My other half. Until then I shall wait patiently. I mean I have all the time in the world. I may have tons of student debt and my eggs may be rotting and turning to dust inside me (thanks Arthur) but at least I still have my looks.

Happy B-Day to MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Non-Electric Avenue

I HATE it when the power goes off right as I need to cook and do laundry. Today is my day mostly off and literally the power must have gone off right as I got home this afternoon. ARG! I needed a hot lunch ! I was not willing to eat a crappy sandwich. I wanted pizza or soup or grilled cheese. These are "Erica got rained on" foods. I had to settle for some cereal to tide me over and then around 3 I left to get Taco Bell. Geez! Can't a girl get a break on her day off?

In contrast I don't mind as much at night if there is no good TV on. Sometimes I think it is a message that I need to go to bed early for once. I also love walking around with candles and flashlights.

Ok -Back to laundryville. Now my power is back on I gotta wash like the wind.

EDITOR'S COMMENT: It is now a few hours later and I made myself biscuits to have with jam and butter. Life is good once more. Ahhhhh carbs.

A Mother's Secret (Lifetime movie pending)

"Holy Crap! That is NOT worth a lollipop!" Slow slide to floor. And scene.

So I am totally unable to use my left arm today. I went to my pre-employment check-up yesterday and they saw it had been 8 yrs since my last Tetanus shot and they give it with Pertussis now to adults(like 4 of my instructors actually got whooping cough last year from being at Children's) they gave me a dpT (diptheria pertussis tenatus) on the spot. And drew blood and gave me a Tb test. On the same arm. YAY!

So the nurse said it would hurt possibly last night or this morning and be a bit achy and I might get a fever or headache. So an hour later I was like OWWWWWW. It was hurting already. I went home and felt crappy so I took a 4 hour nap. 4 HOURS! Then I sat around all night whining about my arm and then fell asleep at like 11:30 and slept for like 10 hours. And tossed and turned all night because stuff kept touching my arm. I was forced to skip my precious Zumba class this morning due to arm gimp and then have sat at home going OW OW OW all day. I went grocery shopping and had to do everything with one arm. Then I came home and had issues putting groceries away because I couldn't lift my arm at all.

Why am I telling you this? It all ties in with the future Lifetime movie. My mom comes home from work this afternoon and asks how I am and I tell her my arm is a throbbing mess and she says....really why? (so apparently she pays no attention to anything going on around her- not a suprise to anyone) So I say...um....hello? I got the dpT in it yesterday. And she's all "Oh....you didn't get all your shots as a child because you were allergic. You aren't supposed to get a dpT you just get Tetanus. "

Ok- isn't a mother supposed to tell her child is she had a horrible allergic reaction as a child? I was like.....mom...I have my shot records and no where on it does it say anything about me not getting all my baby shots for pertussis or me being allergic to anything? Why didn't you say anything about it? Or....maybe WRITE IT ON THE RECORD??????

And she's all "Well....I'm sure I've said something about it before."

And I'm all.....um NO you didn't - as far as I'm aware I have only one drug allergy and that's it. If I had another one you have never said anything or written it on any medical record EVER.

And her response" Well....you weren't supposed to get that shot. I bet your arm hurts bad."

Yes mom.....it does.

The sad reality is I probably would have had to get this shot anyways. Pertussis is way worse that a hurt arm or a possible anaphalactic reaction- right? Someone sell my story to pay off my student loans and credit card if I don't survive.

So Let's Dance the Last Dance

Why must dances be so lame sometimes? It's not that dancing in and of itself is not cool. Or that white people are doing the dancing. Sometimes it's greatness.

Tonight was brought home for many of us that the music is crucial to a dance's success. Miss Karen and I tried our best to dance hard despite how lame/ undanceable some of the music was.
Apparently (another ward hosted) the music was dropped off by leadership and only song numbers showed up- ie- they had no clue what the approved songs actually were. If no one danced they bumped it ahead but couldn't guarantee what it would be.

And I had a conversation with a leader tonight complaining about the lyrics of the music in the Guitar Hero/ Rock Band rooms. Seriously. We might as well resign to the fact that we can't listen to anything but ballroom music and just all learn it. Then we wouldn't have to worry or hear swear words in the Lord's house at all. Except from boys playing sports. And the special people I referred to in another blog.

There seems to be a strong correlation between censoring and lameness of dances. I am not sure why this is. But it is true. I have been to really squeaky clean dances that were way fun- but not censored. And I have been to supposedly censored dances that were dirty awful- but LAME.

How can our dilemma be solved? I also think many people who do not dance(and have not ever danced) are having input into the music being approved. They are approving music that you bop your head to in a car but that you cannot actually dance to. It DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! Seriously. One time I went to a dance in Denton with Erin C and I was like.....OK the DJ has on a white jean jacket with an upturned collar and you can tell he is trying to recreate the soundtrack to an episode of the OC. It was all Emo-esque beach tunes. AWFUL. Great for a car, but to DANCE? They had a packed dance with no one dancing all night. It was heinously awful. Such a waste.

Apparently I need to find another form of social interaction and getting my groove on. Sigh.

High School Tryouts- The Agony and The Ecst....Nope Just More Agony

Hey peeps. I had another bizarre dream last night (besides the Ashlee Simpson one) that I don't really remember, but it woke me up and I remember thinking to myself. I need to blog on this. Tryouts. Call lists. How did I HATE them and how glad am I to not have tryouts like that now.

Living in Texas, I tried out for my fair share of stuff. I was in choir in elementary school but that was no stress. That came in Junior High. I think the reason I had an unnatural hatred of tryouts is that looking back- I got shafted. A LOT! I tried out for Athletics in seventh grade. I made more baskets than anyone. I smoked them all in volleyball. I had a history of playing softball, soccer, and gymnastics. I think my one weakness is that I didn't run as fast as some other girls( I HATE running for no reason) but I was like top 3 on every other category. YET- somehow I didn't make it. Thinking back now I know something fishy went on. But it started my hatred of tryouts. Then came Tennis tryouts(don't even ask) and endless orchestra sectionals(at least they were over quickly) and UIL performances, and then the mother of them all......drill team tryouts. Like 3 years of them. Kill me now. I think of drill team every time I hear Garth Brooks singing Unanswered Prayers. One of God's greatest gifts was not making drill team. Amen Hallelujah. I am grateful every day. The teacher was angry at the judges for picking crappy dancers their daughters knew and I was all up in arms, but now I am like....THANK YOU NEPOTISM!!!

Looking back it seems like I was constantly being put on public trial. I am SOOO glad I am over that now. I mean I have awful job interviews and other hard things in life, but nothing that compares with having a week of drill team camp followed by teenage girl in life/death anxiety during the actual tryouts.

It seems like now as an adult I would be better equipped to deal with that type of stress. It's sad to think how much I worried about things that I now have so much perspective on. It is also bizarre to think how much of life it determined when we are young and don't know what we are doing. I mean....what if I HAD made athletics and thought that my gift in life was sports? How many of my nerdy pursuits would I have never even had time to try? Or thinking the opposite way....if I had been in sports would I be in better shape now? Hahaa.

Oh no wait. Crap I played soccer in high school. I guess I have no excuse other than laziness.

But anyways.....I was having some deep thoughts. Maybe I would be on my toes a bit more about life in general as an adult if I had those constant public humiliation opportunities like I did back in school. Or do the public humiliations and competitive atmosphere keep us from gaining maturity? Hmmmm. A thinker.

All I know is that my lazy easily-stressed out self appreciates no one making me show them what I can really do in front of my peers. So I probably don't have opportunities to shine but I am also saved from publicly tanking. Ahhhhhh sweet mediocrity. I salute thee.

A Singing Nightmare!

So last night I think I got my payback for squealing like a banshee at choir this past week.

I was apparently auditioning for the Nauvoo Musical Mission again. And I had prepared an audition tape like weeks before with someone playing accompaniment for me. I was listening to some other people's tapes and thinking to myself - ha- no way- I am sooo much better than these hacks. So then at the last minute I couldn't find my tape so I go searching everywhere frantically and other people were even helping me. I finally find the tape and of course then everyone wants to hear it. So I think it's gonna be simple and OK. I mean not fabulous but no major errors or anything.

So it starts playing......and I sound like the worst breathy voiced pitchy wanna-be american idol object of ridicule ever. I wanted to die. Then I spent the rest of my dream wondering how I could gracefully get out of auditioning when everyone already knew about it.

And I wondered to myself- Holy crap!! Do I need a hearing test cause how could I not know I sing like that???

So that's my nightmare. Probably actually a reality except for the Nauvoo part. Ug.

Look-alikes

I look totally identical to these people right? Ha! I got this from a facebook application a while back and I was like.....riiiiiight. But maybe a lot of people have really bad eyesight and I am the only one still 20/20.

I am getting inundated lately with people who swear that I am a clone of their friend, relative, child. It is getting mad crazy.

I have grown up with people saying I look like people ALL the time. My cousins would always tell me that I was a twin of their friend at school. My best friend's dad was seriously obsessed with me having my own TV show. He was convinced that I was secretly running off to Hollywood to star in the TV show Phenom about a girl who plays tennis( I tried to find a picture but the girl who played the star has NO pics on the Internet from back then- apparently even she is ashamed of what we looked like-rough). The period in life where I had braces was even worse because I looked like even more people probably.

This week at the hospital I had a patient's family absolutely determined that they knew me from somewhere. Then I have a nurse tell me I look just like a person she knows. They today I was at the mall and a girl at the Hallmark store was acting bizarrely and she said she suddenly gushes "YOU LOOK JUST LOOK MY SISTER IN LAW AND ITS FREAKING ME OUT!!!" She then tells me she had been following me around the store because initially she came up to say what the heck are you doing here and then realized I wasn't the sister in law and then flipped and decided to stalk me. Too funny. Props to her for honesty in the face of embarrassment.

So for reals. I had nicknames in Argentina for my celeb look alike and have had a bunch of friends over the years that have been obsessed with me being twinkies with people. What the heck?

This week the reassurances I keep having to give that I just have one of those faces have got me thinking....does everyone else have this problem? For reals. I wish I was dramatically beautiful with some trademark feature cause it's getting old to look like generic blond chick.

And you all KNOW I don't handle compliments well. Especially insincere ones!! Here is a little vignette from my life for your reading pleasure:

Friend1: "Freak Erica you totally look and sound exactly like Julia Stiles sometimes except..umm....you're much prettier"
Me: (Out loud) Ummmm.......Ok...Thanks. (In my head)- but fatter...go ahead and say what you mean...I do have eyes!

Argentinian Comp: Hermana I am so sick of the little kids calling you a teenage witch. I mean you look like her a little but geeez!! I know it annoys you so I will call you it too but you're not even close to a teenager. Hermana Sabrina the Old Witch. Muahahaaaaa.
Me: (all of it out loud)Thanks. How about the Old, Fat, and One Foot Taller Witch. It sounds even more charming.

oooooh....here's another fave.....let's transport back to junior high where it got truly depressing......

Friend's Family: Wow Erica you look just like Alicia Silverstone in that Aerosmith video where she's hitchhiking.
Me: Really?!!! But she's like way hot!!!
Friend's Family: I mean when she's hitch-hiking you just see her from behind. You both have that long blond hair and long legs. When she turns around not so much.
Me: oh. (knife twisting in heart)

So thank you friends and family for boosting my confidence over the years.
It's nice to know that I am almost attractive. Jerks.

Is it any wonder I like to have more red in my hair. At least when it's red I avoid more comparisons. Except for the one time this checkout dude at target(not JT) got all stalker-ey that I looked like Drew Barrymore back in college and wanted to come home with me. He must have been smoking the good stuff is all I can say. That's more than a stretch. That's a golden gate bridge there. I don't see it at all.

Anyways. I usually do find celebrities that I would cast as my friends if they made a movie of my life or something. Sometimes partially looks based but mostly they have mannerisms or personalities that remind me of my friends. I haven't found many people I would say have a body double or anything. Although I swear Kerry Marino Stiles could be related to Lisa LaPorta on Designed to Sell.

For instance let's see....off the top of my head....who have I cast.. I had a WHOLE lineup back in college.

Rhia you get to be Jennifer Elise Cox- the girl who is Jan in the Brady Movie. She totally reminds me of you. Teehee.
Jen - she does have a total look alike- she is Mary Alice on Ace of Cakes
Alison- I might cast Minnie Driver as you. She has sarcasm down.
Molly- I might cast Parker Posey- I am still considering
Erin C.- hmmm.......i know I had someone in the past now I can't remember for the life of me. Maybe Katherine Heigl. A nice tall girl :)
Aibi- well ....there is a funny asian girl on ace of cakes but she lacks the proper personality and energy I think. Maybe we'll pretend Aibi' has an accent and is 1/2 latina and not asian and cast America Ferrera.

Travis- there's a guy in a Verizon commercial right now who walks out of his house with the network following him. I just thought he looked like Travis the minute I saw the commercial.
Sam- maybe you can be the dude in rent. Anthony Rapp on IMDB. Red hair! Score. I had to think on that.
Steven Foulkes - assuming I make this movie a few years down the road..... I might cast one of the twins from the Suite Life with Zack and Cody. One tries to woo ladies and talks just like Steven. Hehee.
Nate- Steven Fry. Totally. Without the British accent he could be an older Nate.

I'm sure I have more.....I just can't think right now. Guys just aren't easy. I tend to only cast people I've dated cause it's easier. And then retroactively and either maliciously or sentimentally. Although I have to say I really don't feel as if I've actually dated a young Tommy Lee Jones or Patrick Wilson. Nor do I really see myself with a TLJ or PW. Ok maybe PW. That man is fine and he sings....mmmm. But I cast him to play my ex and not himself in which case...uh ...nooo. Maybe this is part of why I'm single. I'm dating the wrong actors. Hahaa.

Wow this is making my brain hurt. I really haven't played this game since college. And I mean the other time I went to college. We had sooo much time on our hands back then. We had an American cast and a British cast. wow.

My sister gets an old casting idea- she was always the girl who plays Stephanie Tanner on Full House when we were kids. I'd have to see what she looks like now. I think my sister deserves a recast after all this time. Maybe Blake Lively from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Ok I have procrastinated not doing my online standardized tests long enough.
Please feel free to leave a plethora of comments. I want to see your casting ideas. Or comments on my annoyance with my own appearance. Whatever.

From the Sickbed

Ok peeps. This will probably be disjointed and badly typed. Why? I am sick and on the good kind of drugs. Oh yeah.

For anyone who wants gruesome details ask me later and I'll tell you. It all involves me and my infection prone throat. And probably the lack of sleep in my previous bloggy.

So ......soft food is pretty darn boring. Soup gets old fast. After having been sick like 3 times in the past 2 months I am also already over popsicles. I am not over smoothies however, YUM!

I have once again exhausted all the resources of my DVR. Holy crud? How can it be that I am sick yet again AND have already blogged on this grievance in the past AND the writers are not striking anymore and I am still TV SHOW LESS!!!!!! This is a crime. All I have to say is bless you Richardson Public Library and bless me too for always checking out far more DVDs and books than I can read or watch in a week. Except a week like this. Although what I will actually remember from Monday and Tuesday ......and maybe this afternoon is questionable.

I have to give props to PBS who has not let me down in the search for new shows. The only things I have to watch right now are new episodes of Signing Time (yay for more annoying signs that I can barely do and will likely forget!!) and the new Andrew Davies version of Sense and Sensibility from Masterpiece Theater. Bless them. And bless their Edward Ferrars who is babe-liscious. I mean come on.....Emma Thompson's version is like perfection...and the other characters pale in comparison to all of Emma's cast. But this Edward can boot out Hugh Grant for the role any day in my book. Heck......I'd go so far as to say that the new Edward Ferrars could come and visit me right now and brighten up a sick girl's day. But he'd have to be blindfolded so he couldn't see me in my sickie-ness. But oooooooooooie!! He is one fine hunk of british male. I highly esteem him.

Another note from the sickbed. I love cell phones. My sister doesn't right now because I keep calling her from my bedroom, but it's much better than having to shout. I'm all

Erica: What up homez?
Kris: What do you want now?
Erica: Isn't this cool that I can call you on the phone?
Kris: No, stop calling me. What do you want?
Erica: Just to ask if you can go get mom.
Kris: Wasn't I just in your room?
Erica; Yeah but I forgot and I don't want to listen to her phone ring for 30 minutes till she finds it so can you just go get her?
Kris: Don't call me again.

Thus we see why I want to be a nurse and ......she doesn't.

Now I am able to get up and go seek mom myself though so the phone stage is technically over. Fun while it lasted though. I am totally calling her all the time now when she is next door. Just for giggles.

OK- Now it's wayyy late and I am ready to sleep for a million more hours. Nighty night bloggy!

Lack O' Sleep

So I have been away from my bloggy and my friends at a national student nursing conference at the Gaylord for the past 4 days. Basically this week, I studied my butt off, went to do my clinicals at the hospital, did my volunteer clinic hours, more hospital and then wednesday afternoon drove directly from Baylor Plano to the Gaylord where I was busy night and day until late this afternoon. Holy SMOKES!!! I am so tired. I had to take a little nap when I got home just to have the energy to do my laundry. Which of course I brought different outfits but only brought a black pair of shoes so I had to wear my black dress pants every day which I spilled food on day one AND day 2. ARG!!

So there were a ton of exhibitors and fellow students milling around and at one of the booths they were selling these memory study notebooks. They take info you need to know about body systems and certain diseases and make little drawings or mnemonics(ooooh...SAT vocab) to help you remember stuff for tests. A student from our school bought them and came to show me and I was like....AHHHH! (Disclaimer -This blog in no way is meant to mock those with a psychological disorder)

I turned to a page with a picture of a person with schizophrenia -a stick man crouched with his hands around his knees and like a few days worth of beard and crazy eyes. I was all- HAHA- I feel like that right now. My eyes are so red from sleep deprivation and I want to crawl into the fetal position.

Then I look at the dialogue puffy clouds around him. And it gets eerie.

Who am I - What am I doing here?? Check. I am confused.

Why won't you leave me alone? Everyone is out to get me. Check.

What is going on? Huh? Double Check.

I don't care. Check.

You are stressing me out! I don't want to be around people anymore! Check.

YIKES!! Lack of sleep is giving me some of the thought processes of schizophrenia....at least according to the memory book. In reality schizophrenia's way more severe than this and I have issues with the memory book, but anyways....sleep deprivation is WACK!! Hopefully I will sleep enough tonight to get myself back to my normal level of mental health by tomorrow.

It's scary to think of all of the stupid things I have done in my lifetime due to sleep deprivation induced moronic/impulsive decisions.

Most of the bad moments began with a trip to Walmart after midnight. I just shouldn't be allowed to get a cart after 12. If I would just walk in and get what I (or my friends) came for life would have many less scary memories.

Why Being Sick Sucks

Ok. Shocker coming up here. Being sick- it SUCKS. Hard. And now more than ever!

So I have been legitimately feeling like poo since Wednesday morning. I soldiered on and finished all my school stuff and then just crashed when I came home. I totally thought I'd be getting better by today. I mean hello? 2 full days of bedrest? Vitamin C? DVR'd TV and movies??

WAIT ....not so fast. Remember the writers strike?? I HAVE NOTHING DVR'd!!!! Nothing people!!! Isn't the whole purpose to have oodles of good stuff to catch up on when you are home sick??? GEEEZZ!! I am dying here at home. I am not watching the crap that is actually on!!!

You might say to yourself....Erica....why not watch a DVD or rewatch a TV show something? OK......fine. I rewatched 1 or 2 TV shows and the 1 of my DVD's that I had not watched in a million years. That took up Wednesday's early afternoon. Everything else.....pretty much watched already a bajillion times. Suprisingly enough, when I buy a DVD I generally watch it a few times so I don't have anything new and exciting. I have tried to not buy things I don't need while being in school. What was I thinking??

Anyways. I have been suffering both physically and mentally. So I told myself today I was gonna splurge and buy myself a new episode of a TV show off of I-tunes just to be able to survive. So what happens? I wake up this morning and my wireless is randomly down and trying to reconnect itself to our neighbor's network so when I shut that down I then have no network and it takes like 6 hours to get the stupid thing working again. IE- I was not able to watch the show(Moonlight- Alison shout out- Ain't no party like my vampire's tea party haaaay) until like 4 this afternoon. I spent the whole morning in bed pretty much staring at the ceiling, reading on and off when my eyes weren't watering. The humanity.

And what really irks me... why am I getting sicker?? I just had a cough and fever before and I woke up this morning with like the worst headcold ever? I am ADDING illnesses to my full plate.
This is not right. And why is this happening? I blame the writers strike!!

If I had been properly supplied with new episodes of all of my favorite shows then I would have been able to devote all of my body's defenses to attacking virus scum with my kickin white blood cells. Instead my body's immune systems was attacking my boredom level. And that is WACK.

Also I had to cancel my job interview(for my dream job no less) that was for today due to my SARS probably killing the poor kids in the Cardiac ICU. I got to reschedule(sigh of relief) but it wierds me to call in sick to a job interview. I can't think that it looks good for me. They said they really appreciated me doing it but who knows?

So anyways. Here I am. Looking like death I am sure... if my mom's alarm level is any indication.
Hacking up a lung. My head about to explode. Killing forests with my kleenex usage. And now writers get like a .00060% return after the first 30 million on proceeds of web downloads or some such crap according to Tina Fey on last week's SNL(my numbers are totally off- FYI- but it's that awful). I hope it was worth it you masochists!

I sneeze in your general direction.

And there are cool movies I really want to see coming out this weekend. ARG!! I am trapped here. OK- I'm heading back now to my lair. My head hurts.

How do I love job interviews? Let me count the ways..

Today I had my job interview for the NICU at Parkland. It was not bad at all. They never even asked me what my weaknesses were or what were mistakes I have made and how did I handle it? So the usual point where my interviews get awkward and awful never even happened. But there are 50 people being interviewed for like 5 positions so my chances are probably awful.

The manger than was going to interview me was running late due to her duties in the NICU, so I was waiting at HR for like 40 minutes. What a chance to people watch!!!!

You would think people would dress their best and behave themselves when trying to get new jobs. Heheeeeee. It kills me to think about it even now. I just hope that the other applicants for my job are as amazingly misguided as the people I saw today.

1st - I just gotta say this as a member of the fashion police...Navy Suit, Navy Heels, WHITE ATHLETIC SOCKS. I'm not even kidding. She's probably a nice person but all I could look at were the sagging socks. Moving on...

So - a man we'll call Mr Homeless Looking Foreign Nursing Student, or HLFNS for short, came in and starts berating the secretaries because no one has called him to interview him for any jobs he looked at online. He is wearing a baseball cap and jeans and a dirty overcoat. They are nice to him and say sit down at a computer and we'll help you find jobs that are still open. So HLFNS sits down and he has no profile on the parkland site. IE- he could not possibly have applied to any jobs online. He must have looked online and sent good vibes as his way of sending his resume or something. So the nurses tell him- you are a nursing student - you can only apply for internships. So he picks experienced RN jobs. So then they pull up the open internships for him. He applies to none of them. Then he starts asking why a job won't let him apply- it is a Nurse Practitioner's job. They put him back in the intern category. He then tries to apply for a job opening for a doctor. He also asked the nurses what NICU and PRN meant. These are terms that if you don't already know them, you certainly learn within 5 minutes of being a nursing student. HOLY COW!!!

Case study #2 - a woman walks in(in a sweatsuit with a scarf wrapped around her head) and asks is this where I apply to be a Nursing assistant? And the secretaries say no - this office handles only RN's and LVN's. You need to go next door to the general HR office. So she says I already went there and they sent me here(In LOUD MAD VOICE). So the secretary says......Oh- you'll have to forgive us - the secretary next door just started 2 days ago and she still doesn't know the differences in Nursing jobs between general and specialized. Tell her to look up CNA jobs in her office. So the Lady SCREAMS at the secretaries YOU PEOPLE NEED TO STOP MESSING WITH ME AND GET YOUR STUFF TOGETHER!! And then she slams the door (seriously) as hard as she can. So the secretaries look at each other like whatever and keep typing.

Apparently this happens all the time. The secretaries were unfazed. WOW!

It amazes me (since most of the people I know are normal) how many crazy people there are in the world.

I told my friend Duyen, if I was competing with my fellow Collin County students I'd have no advantage at all in interviews, but if other schools apparently admit crazies....we might get job offers right away.

Playing Hooky

Word people. I am soo beat down from my recent homework/tests/ upcoming presentation and job interview. I took the most awful test of all time yesterday after getting like 4 hrs of sleep and then got home from school at like 4. I tried to relax and organize myself but i just felt drained.


So I tried to go to bed early to feel better. Then the awful storm last night struck. It was like lightning-ville outside my window.


This morning my alarm went off at 5 and I was like FOR THE LOVE!!!! NO!!!!!!!!


So as I was lying there in the rainy dark ...like a million lame excuses for not getting out of bed ran through my mind. All of my reasoning did not work. So then I started calculating my grade if I missed and decided maybe I could risk it. So I realize I need to wait like an hour to call in to my teacher so she's definitely awake etc. Hmmm...what dread disease can I have that will get me out of today but back by tomorrow- without a doctor's note? A MIGRAINE!! GENIUS!!!!


So then I start to get out of bed to go to the bathroom and POW I fall back on my bed with dizzying pain and nausea. I poke at my temples and massage my neck.


Nope- not a strained neck, not sinuses. I ACTUALLY HAD A MIGRAINE. And then I am lying there for the next hour waiting to call my teacher and tell her about my real excuse now. And wishing for a swift death or for my drugs to work.


It's a real dilemma taking a caffeine OD pill when you know half the reason you probably have the migraine is sleep deprivation. SO I took some tylenol and prayed in the dark. And blamed the stupid lightning for triggering the seizure center of my brain.


So anyways eventually I fell back asleep. But I was wondering .....if I had not been such a bad girl would I have still had the migraine or was I cursed with the very substance of my lies? I have always been afraid of exaggerating an illness for the very reason that God would strike me down with what I was embellishing with to make me appreciate my health.


I spent my day sleeping, doing homework, paying bills, working tonight at the McKinney health clinic I am volunteering at cause I can't really call in there, plus there is no just taking a lower grade- I HAVE to have the hours there. But it was great. I heart the kids!


What a nice day all in all. I mean I did have to do necessary stuff all day, but it was nice to finally wake up feeling less crappy and and get stuff done at a slower pace than my typical weekend homework bonanza.


OOOoh.....And I looked online at the cutest puppy today!! My dad needs to get it for me. Bad.

Getting Hurt in Public

Ok- is there anything worse in life that public humiliation?

If you have that lovely eternal perspective on life you might say bad health, loss of income, bad things happening to loved ones etc. is SOOO much worse.

But let's all be immature for a moment and admit it. I HATE it when I do something people will be teasing me about possibly for the rest of my life. (Shout out to Elder P.!! We've all been there- just NEVER with that many people listening and in a religious setting- I feel for ya)

Are we the most anxious and at the mercy of our lesser selves when doing public speaking? Is that when we care the most about our cool factor?

I would argue that No......this is not the most instinctual moment of our social worries.

It is the moment when we get pushed off the trampoline, get a baseball in the thigh, get our hands slammed in a car door(all glorious moments in my life), get a volleyball spiked in our head(as I experienced this week). Out of all the moments in life for some idiotic reason we are most worried about other people's reaction when it is THEY who should rightly be more embarrassed for hurting us.

Why can't we just say "OWWWWW!!! You really hurt me.....I mean I'm not mad, but OWWWWW!!!"

Instead we keep stoically silent biting the inside of our lips, cursing up a storm inside our heads. We choke out the obligatory laugh..."I'm out of breath ...not because it hurts....but because its's so funny. These sobs are from me containing my glee. The tears running out of my eyes??? Can't you tell it's because of my joy about the money we'll make on america's funniest home videos if anyone caught that throw on tape?"

Why are we so embarrassed to be the ones that got hurt and not the ones with the horrifyingly bad aim/ bad luck ?

Or maybe I just pretend to be fine as a sort of golden rule morality. React unto others as you would have them react unto you. Maybe I'm just bitter because if I accidentally hit someone they inevitably cry like a girl or say "I'm fine.....can someone help me off the court to rest for a few minutes?" which means they will be driving to the hospital later. And I'll be getting dirty looks for the rest of the night from their friends and I'll be feeling guilty and, that's right, embarrassed.

Seeing Yourself Through Your Own Eyes

Ever had those bizarre moments in life ...........when you hear you own voice on a tape and you sound like Elmo, or you see a picture of yourself on a night you thought you looked super hot- and people even complimented you - and in the picture you look like you might be missing a vital chromosome?

I wonder to myself sometimes about whether we ever can truly see ourselves from the outside in. If we can have an objective view. If people with really high self esteem have some sort of rose-colored vision where the "special you" pictures are melded into supermodel shots. Or if they just really are so ridiculously good-looking that they never have a heinous photo.

This is all leading to how I see myself....... and can I ever accept a compliment as a compliment and not a passive-agressive-shot at me. Anyways......moving on to one of the highlights of my week...

So I went to Supertarget with my sister this week (I should note that I had a raging cold, fever etc). I was feeling slightly better, so I was willing to make a desperate quick run to Tar-jay. So I pick up some medicine and snacks and head up to the front with my sister to pay. Mind you I had been forced to go to school every day sick as a dog - onsite in McKinney and Frisco at 7 am til 3 in the afternoon and I was BEAT DOWN. I also looked it. Swollen red nose. No makeup. Bags under my eyes from lack of sleep. Voice of Zhoul.

I reach the front of the line and the man at the check out( mid 30's dork) scans my meds and suddenly it sounds like a prisoner is escaping from cell block 9. He's all "WHAT THE HECK IS THIS BELL???" And then says "Oh...I'm sorry there's an age limit on those drugs." So I'm like....."uh wierd.....Ok here's my ID." So he takes the ID and sits there for like a full minute doing nothing. Seemingly waiting for something. Then he says...."I'm gonna have to call the pharmacy manager about the age limit." I am thoroughly confused at this point. I say "I'm over 18- what's the problem?" So he looks embarrased and we sit there for another 30 seconds and then he picks up the phone and says "I'm not sure about what the age limit is- I'll just call." At this point everyone else in the 10 items or less is fuming. So am I - I gave him my ID- I am not aware of any over 30 only items in the store unless it's Depends or Os-Cal. Geez!! My sister is like....."Umm I'll vouch for her being old enough if that helps" Still no response.

Then it dawns on me. So I say....uh sir.....I'm 29.....so I'm also over 21. What age limit are you looking for?" And he hangs up the phone and he looks at me. He is astonished. He looks at my ID again. Then he says "Are you REALLY almost 30?? I'm so sorry I made you wait!" And my sister and I look at each other in complete shock that this man thought I was maybe over 18 but definitely not 21. Also he apparently can't read. And this guy then says "Sooo...you're almost 30. I'm 38. " And hands me my receipt. I am now totally creeped out in addition to being in shock. I grab my bag and pretend to be busy in my purse while my sister checks out. But he keeps talking and digging himself in deeper. Then we RUN.

So back to my point. What the heck? I seriously get carded at least a few times year. For the past 2 or 3 yrs I never assumed they really thought I was too young. Just doing their duty as cashier. But maybe I was mistaken. What the crap with Target man??? Do I really look that young?? It wouldn't disturb me so much if I didn't get mistaken at dances for 20 and have everyone in nursing think I'm 19.

All I can say to these people is "Get your eyes checked!!! stat!!"
If this is the face of 20........Ok it's just not the face of 20- that's all there is to it.
And it's honestly not flattering. The Target dude was all "You should take this as a compliment!"
If I looked like I was 20 I had to look like the most worn out red-eyed awful 20 yr old ever. That's no compliment. Ug.

For some reason mistaking my age for one super younger is insulting to me. I freaking EARNED these past 9 years. I should look mature and sophisticated etc. Not baby-faced.
Now if you say you think i'm .....say 26 and up....and you're a guy ....suddenly i assume you're hitting on me. Not a bad thing to say at all.

What a contradiction. Anyways. Me getting mistaken as young always sends my sister into a rage. Which is actually pretty funny so even though I was offended- it was all worth it. Even better is when people come right out and say they don't believe i'm the older sister. Mwahahahaaa. Ok I guess I shouldn't relish the frustration of others - especially if I'm whining about my own.